Happy Scottish people day!

Ohhhh just look at that... almost brings a tear to me eye! *sniff sniff*

It's St. Andrew's Day today! Brap brap brap, gunshot gunshots

Big up all my Scots out there! It's tatties and mince tonight for tea, hehe!!!

Here's a legendary clip of my darg Ronnie Browne singing Flower Of Scotland at Hampden...



C'MON!!!

The whorebag has left the jungle

After being nominated for the SEVENTH time to tackle another excruciating bushtucker trial, Katie Price has had enough and consequently quit 'I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!'.

I think that means she's not getting her £350,000 fee... HAHA shame.

To this day, I STLL don't get why people have time for this deluded, self-obsessed, shameless whorebag. I don't get why I should respect her for selling every single aspect of her undignified life story to the media and more importantly using her poor kids in an attempt to carry on hogging the limelight.

She blatantly thought she was gonna go back in and win this year. All this 'closure' bollocks... I didn't fall for it. I swear, she just can't help herself!

And c'mon now, they all know what they're signing up for when they agree to take part. She knows that the majority of the public can't stand the sight of her, therefore it kinda goes without saying she would be the victim of being repeatedly nominated to do the bushtucker trials. What a moron.

She tried to play the public and they played her right back.

Bye bitch!

WTF@ Rihanna's headpiece

What the hell has she done to her hair?!!

All balding and shit... I got one word for this:

SLIPPIN!

Beyonce ft. Lady Gaga - Video Phone

Rahtid!

Gwaaaarn ladies, do your stuff! I love these two bitches.

So long ya jakey bastard!

Guys, a miracle has happened!

FINALLY, 'Uncle' George Burley is no longer the Scotland manager after the SFA gave him the boot earlier today.

Dunno what the hell took them so long, the guy's time in charge was an absolute JOKE and travesty.

How could we just win 3 games out of 14 when he was about? THREE GAMES OUT OF FOURTEEN Y'NA! That's actually disgraceful. I know we're not the best team in the world but come off it!!! We don't have time to be slippin' like that, we really don't.

And the way we plummeted from 14th in the Fifa rankings to 46th, that's when you know its time to throw in the towel. I can't believe he did that to us, what a DICK!

Yeah see ya later you old jakey cunt! Thanks for nothing innit!

Cha.

Boiled eggs + Ritz crackers = packed lunch from heaven?

Oi you lot, get a load of this right.

So I decided to grab myself a good ol' Happy Meal from McDonalds the other day when I was on my break from work. I found myself somewhere to sit and got on the blower to my mate to fill her in on the latest goss. Then I saw some freaky looking gypo family of three eating at the table next to me but I carried on munching obliviously and gasbagging to my friend.

But you know when you clock something from the corner of your eye? In this case, a mysterious plastic bag was the attraction, which appeared to posses some form of a packed lunch the family had brought along to the 'restaurant'. Straight away I thought rah, that's a bit much innit! You're not exactly gonna break the bank having your lunch in McDonalds now, are ya? Is there really a need to bring extra food along?

Well clearly if you're a dirty gypo, there is.

So I scanned the contents of their table to see if they'd actually bought ANYTHING from McDonalds. That's when I noticed a couple of strawberry sundaes. OK, fair do's, fair do's. But wait.... hold on... what's that I see emerging from the plastic bag repeatedly?

Eh?

Boiled... eggs?

BOILED FUCKING EGGS?!!

No way. No fucking way man! WHO DOES THAT? Who brings a scatty plastic bag full of BOILED EGGS to McDonalds? Jesus Chris Almighty! And I swear one of the eggs looked BLACK inside. *covers mouth to prevent sick coming out*

Oh AND and the shells were still intact on all of 'em! They were actually peeling off the shells at the table! Straight RAGGO!

You should have seen the way they were murking them eggs boi. Like it was the first time they'd eaten in their lives!

Guess what they had as their side dish?

Ritz crackers!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ritz bloody crackers... jheeez! What a packed lunch! And yes, I did witness the mum dip one of them into the SUNDAES and put it in the kid's mouth.

WTF! Allow it!!!

Happy birthday to me

So I'm 22 today.

LAME.

Who wants to be 22? Turning 21 was so much cooler. Nobody cares when you're 22.

What do I have to look forward to now? Responsibilities? Work? Bills? Debt? Settling down? Marriage? KIDS?!

Ah hell no. That's some scary ass shit. Why can't I just stay 21 forever?!! I mean, I don't even look my age! I look like a fucking 12 year old still.

Having said that, I'll have you know, I'm actually a victim of premature ageing - I HAVE GREY HAIRS. Yes, HAIRS people, not just one strand, there's a few of them fuckers hanging around on my head piece. Not cool man.

You don't believe me? Here, have a butchers at these bad boys:

Never dyed my hair in my life and yet they started propping up this time last year. I'm gonna be grey by the time I'm 25!!! It's the McBarbie genetics mate.

Well at least I don't have to work today. HI5!

I'm gonna go check my Facebook now to see if there's any more 'Happy Birthday' comments on my page to make me feel bare popular.

PEACE!

Sharon Osbourne's a bitch

You see, usually I think ol' Shazza's quite hilarious, but that was just deep.

Wonder what YOU'D look like now without all that plastic surgery Shaz? I suppose we'll never know!

I think God hit Su-Bo with the same ugly stick that Kelly and Jack got wacked about with!

OOOOOH OOOOOH McBarbs you're dread man, you're dread! Are you gonna take that Shaz, are you gonna take that?! Lata, lata, laaaaaaataaaaaaaaaa!!!