Nick Cannon is officially INSANE

Yes, that's right - Nick Cannon has literally lost the plot! You have GOT to read every single last word of what can only really be described as a rambling, bizarre, racist, completely illogical and INSANE yet HILARIOUS blog post courtesy of the man in question! The blog is a response to a leaked Eminem single 'Bagpipes From Baghdad', in which Em takes the opportunity to diss Cannon's wife Mariah Carey and calls her a 'whore'.

I'm gonna highlight the best bits in bold - observe people:

Well, well, well. Fresh off the plane with my wife from our second honeymoon on the beautiful secluded islands of the Maldives and what do I find in my email box? A mediocre (at best) Eminem record that sounds like it was written in 2001. At first I thought it was old material that had been dug up from when dude “fantasized” about having a pretend fling with Mariah. I was thinking to myself, “Hey that was before me so it is really none of my business, so I’m going to give him a pass.”

So as I continued to semi enjoy Marshall’s rhyme scheme and flow, I mean let’s be honest dude used to be incredible. He was a witty lyrist with dope delivery and timing. Some even say, one of the best to ever do it. I had nothing but respect for this dude. But all of a sudden I hear my name in the verse! My first reaction was like, “This is his new shit??? Wow, that’s too bad…” Then I felt sorry for him because he must really be stuck in the past. Not only has his music not evolved, but also homeboy is still obsessed with my wife, the same female that wouldn’t let him get to second base from 8 years ago! He even describes his desperate lameness in this bad excuse for storytelling track. That’s some real middle school shit right there! (What type of grown ass man lies about getting with a chick) Only Slim Lamey! LOL! (Wow Nick, you've got jokes still!)

So as I further examine the track, I hear dude cross the line. He begins to call my wife out of her name! Now as y’all know, I don’t take that type of nonsense lightly. So on some grown man shit I’m instantly like, I got to get at this Lame. I know it’s only entertainment and I’m all for freedom of speech. But I’m from the school of thought where if you are tough enough to talk shit, you got to be tough enough to deal with the consequences that come with tough guy shit talking! Then the little angel on my shoulder said, “No Nicholas, there is no need to play into his negativity. He is just a troubled soul yearning for the lost spotlight. You must be Christ like and turn the other cheek” (WTF, Christ like?!)

But then the dude on the other shoulder said, “ What Nigga?! Is you scared?! You can’t let no man ever disrespect your wife! Especially not some Peroxide drenched homophobic has-been! This is like some Paquiao vs. Hatton shit! He is underestimating you with his ass out and you can drop him in the first round!” (OK, did he just compare himself to Manny Pacquiao?! HAHAHA)

Then, without listening to either one of the voices on my shoulders, I analyzed the situation from a logical perspective. Am I going to battle Eminem and try to out rap him? No, that would be stupid. The dude is nice on the mic. Even though nowadays he lacks substance, rapping about when he used to be hot. Like when Al Bundy gloats about his High school football prime.

Then I asked myself should I go find this Bitch and just whoop his little ass? But that might have just been the Creatine and protein shakes talking! LOL. Even though most people don’t know that I’m nice in the ring and have been training in boxing and Martial Arts for years that would just be childish and silly of me to bully this dude (looooooooooool OK Nick!). He clearly has been picked on all his life and I would hate to add to his deep-rooted pain. As we all know he has had a hard life and has major insecurity issues and is very confused and unhappy with himself. So a guy like that doesn’t really need another ass whoopin, he needs a hug. We should really pray for his troubled heart.

So just when the good guy in me is about to emerge and shine through, something hits me… Something bigger than rap beefs, something bigger than jealousy infused insults, something bigger than lackluster attention seeking punchlines, something bigger than artistic expression. I realized, that this so-called man has just disrespected and slanderized one of the world’s most significantly influential artists, one of the most notable BLACK females of our time, the incredibly cherished, globally loved and world-embraced woman of color, Mariah Carey! (WHOA WHOA WHOA, hold on a second... since when was Mariah Carey black?!! LMAO)

Some people may not realize or tend to forget that my wife is a Black woman (Huh? Maybe because she ISN'T?!!). And she has had enough difficulty in her life dealing with racial and ethnicity issues. Believe it or not, Mariah is the same racial mixture as our beloved president Barack Obama. [Black Father + White Mother= BLACK] (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this guy's equations are too much! Black + White = BLACK, does it???)

Maybe I’m going too far (no no, keep going please!), but I thought we got passed the days where white men could spew vulgar obscenities at our beautiful queens and get away with it. What’s next? Are we going to let this trash say something horrible about our lovely first lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama? (LOL what does Michelle Obama have to do with anything?!!) Or would Marshall have talked sideways out of his neck like this about Oprah Winfrey? This act of racist bigotry cannot go unnoticed ('act of racist bigotry' you know! LOL what is this guy on?!). Calling my wife a “cunt” and a “whore” is way worse than anything Don Imus could have ever said (Ohhhhh he called her a cunt and a whore? I thought he was being racist though?) So trust, repercussions will be served. Anybody got Al Sharpton’s number?! LOL

Let’s not forget about Eminem’s amateur mixtape rants of calling African Americans Nigger and how he hates “Black Bitches”. How did we let him get away with that in the first place?! (If that bothered him so much in the first place, why didn't he pipe up and say something back then???) He is a natural born racist in disguise. Someone tell this coward that he finally barked up the wrong tree. For his entire career he strategically only tried to beef with people he could bully. I mean, what real man picks fights with women? Real MC’s battle other real MC’s. Ask Nas, ask Jay Z, you didn’t see them starting beefs with women! That is truly some punk shit!

So I’m putting this out there now. Marshall Mathers, you need to holler at me on some grown man shit. Man to man, let’s meet up and deal with this like adults. This is my invitation to you, whenever and wherever you like sir. So when you come out of your introverted hiding place and ask your bodyguards if you can go out and play by yourself, I’m here Pimp!

Your blatant disrespect not just to Black women but ALL women in general must stop. You are a despicable excuse for a man. I can’t even see how you can call yourself a father! Imagine if someone said half the stuff you say about women to your daughter, Hayley. (And I’m pretty sure they will because you got it coming Marshall.) That’s how Karma works.

You sold your little records and made a little bit of change but now you are stepping in the wrong territory. You may have been able to rape and pillage our artform like an old school Caucasian con man and nobody said anything because we respected your talent, but now you’ve made the ultimate mistake (raped and pillaged??? But I thought Em "used to be incredible"???). Don’t you know that the black woman is the foundation and the strongest force in our culture? Take notes homey, Elvis would have never disrespected Aretha Franklin or Diana Ross. You were supposed to just do your little song and dance, make your little racist money and call it a day. But no, you had to dishonor the black man’s most precious counterpart.

I’m taking full action on you Eminem. I don’t know why no one has stood up to your bitch ass yet. But I guess it’s going to take a corny, wack rapping, boy toy from Nickelodeon (yep, sounds about right!) to set you straight. And trust, I am going to be relentless. Even though I got a lot of other obligations and occupations, you are my new full time job “homey”! (Wow, dude's got time!) As a matter of fact I think you going to bring my wack rhymes out of retirement! That’s right haters; you can thank Eminem because I’m going to start rapping again! LOL Just for him! (That's his prepared excuse for when Eminem destroys him) And don’t forget about the jokes! We coming at you hard body!! Non-stop on your Manic-depressive-Insecure-Maclovin-Nazi- Liza Minelli haircut havin-lookin ass!! [Pause] That’s what I do all day Bitch! (Errr, can someone can translate that bit please?)

So Miss Marshall, I’m going to make you wish you never spoke my name and regret the ungodly things you said about my wife. This is going to be fun! It’s however you want it! Just remember, you did this to yourself! Your legacy has now been tainted from this day forth! You will now be known as the rapper who lost to Corny-ass Nick Cannon!!! (...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

[Source: Thisis50.com]

OK, let's get one thing straight: if Eminem publicly calls Mariah Carey a 'cunt' and a 'whore', then by all means, Nick should have something to say about that. He's gonna be furious, understandably, and if he didn't retaliate, then we'd all think he was a shook one. So fair enough, he chose to come back at Mr Mathers. But WTF has skin colour got to do with ANYTHING? Why did he have to pull out the race card??? Since when did calling someone a 'cunt' or a 'whore' equate to racism? The guy's actually lost the plot! He's only exposed HIMSELF as a racist instead, the dumb schmuck!

"I mean let’s be honest dude used to be incredible. He was a witty lyrist with dope delivery and timing. Some even say, one of the best to ever do it. I had nothing but respect for this dude."

And then:

"You may have been able to rape and pillage our artform like an old school Caucasian con man and nobody said anything because we respected your talent, but now you’ve made the ultimate mistake."

Loooooool I don't get it. He had nothing but respect for Eminem, yet he supposedly 'raped' rap music like 'a Caucasian con man'??? Make up your mind Nicholas!!!

And since when was Mariah Carey a 'BLACK' woman? LMAO oh my goodness! The way this dude tried to flip it, oh my... you've gotta love how the Obama's and Oprah Winfrey got a mention in the same post! Classic stuff...

I seriously cannot WAIT to hear Em's response to this!

Oh no she didn't...

Lily Allen held no punches in a stinging attack on celebrity footballers and WAGS in a French football magazine.

The Coles and Beckhams bore the brunt of the assault by the straight-talking singer, who let rip in an interview with SoFoot.

Describing what she thought of Cheryl Cole she said: "She represents everything I hate - she is stupid, superficial, as ugly outside as inside."

Cheryl's husband Ashley didn't escape the rant either: "He is the worst, he disgusts me".

Lily, whose album It's Not Me It's You is in the top ten, then launched into David and Victoria, saying: "The Beckhams are sickening... everyone knows she is a monster."

And in case readers were still unsure of what she thinks of footballers' wives and girlfriends, she said: "I would rather shoot myself between the eyes than be a WAG."


I hope this is a case of her words being lost in translation...

How you gonna call Cheryl Cole UGLY? HAHAHA

The jealously is a looooooooooooooot, Lily. You've pretty much just described yourself there love. Let's be real now, you're the butterz one, not our Cheryl, don't ever get it twisted!

And not like I'm Victoria Beckham's biggest fan or anything, but to label her a monster? Lol that's a bit much!

She's spot on about Ashley Coleslaw - everyone knows he's a cunt - and yeah, I'd probably wanna shoot myself in the eyes too rather than be a WAG.

But lay off Cheryl, Lily. It's getting a bit boring now, and you're not gonna get anywhere with those hypocritical comments. It's not her fault she's good looking! Cheryl could have any man in the world, and the best you're doing right now is your Dad's friends. So allow yourself and STFU.

To conclude this post, let's do a quick compare and contrast shall we?


Exhibit A - Lily Allen:



Exhibit B: Cheryl Cole



SAY NO MORE!!!

The Apprentice - Quote of the week

Nick Snaith to Phillip:

"Tell us about Pants Man."

*Cue complete silence from Phillip*

LMAO classic!!!

Phillip was sexy, straight up and down, but it was the right decision to fire him. He really did not have anything positive to say about Lorraine aka Mystic Meg aka Cassandra, did he? Silly Phillip...

"I could have done a better job than Lorraine."

"But you didn't sell ANYTHING."

"Yeah I know that, but I still could have done a better job."

... OK Phil.

Surprised Kate let herself down and got herself into the bottom 3. I personally think she will go on to win it - she's got charm, she's got brains and she knows how to sell. If not, it will definitely be a female winner, possibly Yasmina. Debra has potential but she's far too mouthy and controlling. Mona is alright too, but I just don't see her going the whole way. And Lorraine is causing too much controversy at the moment, plus I've read dodgy stories about her which I assume will prevent her from winning.

I can't believe I never watched any of the previous series - what was I thinking?!! The Apprentice is the fucking bollocks!

Roll on next Wednesday!

R.I.P Daniel Faraday

Ah man, WTF?!!

How could they kill off one of my favourite characters??? How could they do that to me?!!

I'm so pissed man... Daniel was a safe dude like. He had all the answers. He didn't do no harm to no one! He was so sweet, bless him.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!

I'm gonna miss him... and his voice. It always cracked me up.

And I'm more baffled than ever. I'm trying to figure out some sort of timeline in my head, but I can't. I don't get it... say the Chinaman doctor evacuates everyone, like he's supposed to, and peeps get off the island... then what? Where does that leave Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sawyer etc. ? Is everything gonna happen all over again? OMG seriously, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to type what I'm thinking about all of this, but I actually can't! I need someone to explain everything to me!!! God, that show's so bloody confusing! My head hurts now...

Anyways, the finale is next week I believe, so here's the link to the trailer.



Omg omg omggggggg, can't wait!!!

I just had a thought: I bet you Daniel ain't even dead lol or he somehow manages to come back to life, John Locke-style. You never know with Lost! We shall see...

Deacon Blue - Real Gone Kid

For all my Scots out there...



BIG TUNE

I'm a free woman!!!

OMG guys, guess what???

I officially completed my degree today! Hallelujah!!!

My final ever assignment - a 3000 word project - was handed in (albeit a bit late, but who cares?) and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! Bloody hell, it felt good! I had about 10 friggin' books from the library as well that needed to be returned, so it felt even better once I got rid of those heavy bastards!

Really, I should have put more time and effort into my last ever piece of work... but as usual, it was all lastminute.com, and I ended up writing the first sentence the night before at 1.30am - haha. OH WELL! It's done now, and I definitely don't feel like I handed in a piece of shit, so I think it's gonna be all good in the hood...

You'd think I'd feel a little bit sad for it to be all over and done with... but do I fuck! That place bored the friggin' pants off me, I tell ya. No excitement man... I feel like a lot of time was wasted there, and it certainly wasn't worth half of the fucking debt I'm in now.

I got some reeeeeal valuable advice for anyone who's considering going to uni: PLAN YOUR FINANCES PROPERLY! Don't let the fuckers get you into debt! Leave uni with more money than you went there with! Trust me, it can be done, just be careful my friends.

Yes, I owe nuff money, but on the other hand I don't really care because I know thousands of other students are in the exact same position as me, or worse off even! We're living in a recession, we're all screwed, so whatever innit.

But yeah, FINALLY!!! I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I will never have to do another piece of academic writing again! Never have to type up another tedious and more-complicated-than-it-should-be bibliography! Never have to worry about showing up to a lecture late, haha! It's all over with, apart from the ol' graduation in July! Bet you that's gonna be a fucking rip off as well!

Anyways, I think there's a moral to this story... errm... errr... oh yeah! Look guys, if you wanna go to uni, that's cool. Obviously, it's not a bad thing, but everyone's different and not everyone HAS to go, so don't let yourselves be forced into something you don't feel comfortable doing. If you're not sure what you want to be, don't spend over £3000 a year on some random art degree, just so you can say you're going to uni, ya feel me? I mean, I'm into all this journalism malarkey right, and I'll have you know that approximately 40% of all journalists do NOT have a degree to their name! How about that, eh? That's nearly half!!! So there ya go!

And don't get me wrong, I don't regret going. I enjoyed my course for the most part, it was interesting and valuable. I learnt a lot of shit that I probably would never have learnt hadn't I made the decision to carry on my education. I learnt about news values, I learnt about Laura Mulvey, I learnt about the concept of the public sphere, I learnt about Baudrillard and 'hyperreality', I learnt about the connection between culture and materialism, I learnt about ideolody, I learnt about the tabloid press and the carnivalesque, I learnt about postmodernism, I learnt about public service broadcasting, and I (kinda) figured out what the hell that dead fella Karl Marx was banging on about all those years ago. So not a bad learning experience I'd say!

But like I said before, if you're on this uni ting, just make sure, for the love of god, that you handle you're money right, because believe me - it ain't worth the P's they're robbing you for!

Farewell uni life... it's been fun being student bum! But now it's all about work life and making money (back)... and being an adult... and being responsible... and paying bills...

OMG I wanna kill myself!!!

Only joking.

And on that note, I'm gone.

Safe and bless.

My water challenge

I am setting myself a challenge to drink nothing but water for this entire week.

Why?

a) To see if it will help me fight the flab quicker

b) I don't drink enough water as it is

c) ... errr just because I feel like it really

Day 1 hasn't even finished yet and I'm already struggling. Damn you delicious high juice and Coca Cola, tempting me in my fridge! Stay away from me! Just stay the fuck away! I'll be back for you later, I promise!

I shall not give in until next Monday morning, I'm telling ya!

Let's do this.

NB: Errr the drinks don't count if I go out raving on Fri/Sat! :)

TLC - Diggin' On You

BIG TUNE

Arshavin = Legend

4 goals at Anfield!

Arshavin officially has legendary status.

What a game! Man U for the title please.

Shifty

Check out the trailer for Shifty:



The leading man is Riz Ahmed, who featured in the third issue of The Cut magazine.

Big up Riz!

I plan on going to the cinema to see this one...

If your talking the hardest...

... I think 'If YOU'RE talking the hardest' makes more sense.

Nice one numbnuts.

Kyza - Love N Music

OK, I'm a bit late (allow me) but here's the first single from Mr Sayso's upcoming album 'Shots Of Smirnoff', set to drop 15th June 2009:



BIG TUNE

Who remembers Arctic Rolls?

The other day, I randomly checked my freezer looking for something to munch on... and lo and behold, what I did I see before me?

An Arctic Roll!

Yes, that's right. An Arctic bloody Roll!

For those who are still wondering what the hell I'm on about - observe:

I was like RAH, long time no see! I felt to high five it and everything!

OLD SKOOOOOOOOOL!

Apparantly its the 'Credit Crunch' dessert... haha, hard times man, hard times.

But I say there's nowt wrong with some good ol' Arctic Roll... infact, I'm munching on some as I type this!

Birds Eye - I salute you!

What will be the next revival I wonder???

Top 5 Lost characters

There's this application on Facebook called Living Social, which basically allows users to create top 5 lists of like, everything.

For example: top 5 movies of all time, top 5 fast food chains, top 5 countries to visit... etc. etc.

So I decided to devise a list of my top 5 favourite Lost characters.

It wasn't easy... but here are the results (in no particular order):


1. John Locke



2. Benjamin Linus



3. James 'Sawyer' Ford



4. Dr. Jack Shephard

5. Daniel Faraday

I was gonna put Kate in there until I remembered the genius that is Daniel Faraday!

Also, must give a special mention to the badass that is Sayid and my fellow Scot Desmond. But these 5 characters are definitely superior in my eyes...

What do y'all think?

Rob Lowe is bare buff like

Oh my lady!

Look at him! Just look at him!!!

What a fine specimen of a man I say.

CHOONG TING!

Would somebody please kill this woman?

Katie Price has said that she has no regrets about her career as a glamour model and would encourage her daughter to follow in her footsteps.

The reality TV star and entrepreneur told The Sun that she would happily show her children all the topless work she has done when they are older.

Price said: "I don't have any regrets about who I am. If it wasn't for the Jordan image I wouldn't have the house and I wouldn't be able to support the kids in the way that I do.

"When they're older I can't wait to show them everything I've done. When Princess goes to The Sun when she's 18 to be a Page 3 girl, I'll encourage her."

She added: "I'll go: 'Yeah, get them out for the lads'. I think Page 3 Idol's brilliant. I started out as a Page 3 girl and it's a great career."

Earlier this year, Price bought a pink VW Beetle for her daughter Princess Tiaamii, while the toddler was also given a Louis Vuitton bag for her dummy at a fashion shoot.

Source: Digital Spy

Thank you in advance.

Some Like It Hoth trailer

A Miles-centric episode, eh? This is gonna be interesting...

Bring it on!

Cowboy hairdressers

So, I went up to the land of the Loch Ness this Easter weekend to celebrate my cousin's 30th birthday, and to prepare myself for the big do', I thought it would be best if I headed to the hairdressers to get a £10.50 blow dry.

Fucking bargain right? You would not get that price in London unless the hairdresser was like, blind or something.

I'd been to the same place before and the woman did a good enough job, so I was eager to go back once again.

BIG MISTAKE.

K, first of all, the numpty who washed my hair wore PLASTIC GLOVES. So whenever she ran her precious hands over my wet barnet, the roots kept getting pulled about and I was in pain.

Great start.

THEN, I made my way over to the chair and discovered a next broad was gonna be drying my hair this time. And that's when it really started to go downhill...

Seriously, I could have done a better job myself. In fact, I fucking did when I left and went back to my auntie's to do it all over again.

I think it was quite possibly the laziest and most pathetic example of hairdressing that I had ever witnessed and experienced in my entire life.

People, she used a PADDLE BRUSH to do my whole head of hair - even my side FRINGE.

WHAT A FUCKING RETARD!!! The way I wanted to just grab the rasclart brush out of her hands and wack her one time around her head with it.

ERRR HELLO? Ever heard of a round brush? You fucking lazy tool! I have long and thick hair, so how the hell am I gonna get any fucking volume in it with a god damn PADDLE BRUSH?!

Omg omg omg I WAS SO ANGRY!

And you know what else? She didn't even ask me at the beginning what I wanted her to do with my hair! She just went straight for that big ol' paddle brush and did things the easy way. Just ASSUMED that I wanted some lame poker straight, flat ass hair-do that made me look like a complete dickhead. She didn't even part it properly! At the end, my roots were still damp for crying out loud!

Oh my lady, you should have seen the mess of it. It looked HIDEOUS! I wanted to say something but I thought:

A) My mum and auntie were getting their hair done in there as well, so I didn't wanna cause a scene and fuck things up for them.

B) It was costing me £10.50

So I thought, fuck it. I'll be a pussyole and keep my mouth shut, and I'll just never come back again.

I'm telling you - shoddiest hair job EVER!!!

And can you believe she had the cheek to tell my marge after I left that her arms were aching???

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! ACHING?! ACHING?! ACHING FROM WHAT EXACTLY YOU FUCKING MORON!!!

What is it with these fucking cowboy hairdressers?

DIE MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE!!!

This watch - soon come

£50

That is me boooooooy!

STANDARD STANDARD

This is how we chill from 93 'til...

BIG TUNE

Six Feet Under was the nuts

Hey, did anyone else used to watch the genius that was Six Feet Under?

That show was the fucking BOMB Y'ALL! Definitely not the type of programme that you would watch with your family, but amazing nonetheless!

Oh how I miss Nate, Brenda, David and co.

:'(

And it had the best ending as well! I remember bawling like a bitch when I watched it. OVERLY pissed when it finished for good.

Check it out man:



The bit when David see's Keith again playing football... gets me every time!

*sniff sniff*

RIP Six Feet Under - sorely missed.

Strange Love

BIG TUNE

Top 5 Eastenders characters

Right, I don't even hardly watch Eastenders, but whenever a big storyline is about to come to a conclusion, I'll give it a whirl and laugh at how shockingly unrealistic it is along with the bad acting.

Example: Peggy Mitchell's wedding and Danielle's unexpected demise last week. I was quite entertained by that episode I'll admit, but WTF@ the ending.

As we all know, everything takes place in the 'Square' and no one actually leaves Walford to go to other parts of London like people do in real life - everyone buys their garms from the market; everyone goes to the 'caff' for breakfast lunch and dinner; everyone goes to the Vic to drink; everyone goes to the laundrette to wash their clothes because they don't seen to own washing machines or tumble dryers; everyone goes to quite possibly the lamest nightclub in history to rave, which I can't even remember the name of it's that dry.

So anyways, it was obvious that Janine was gonna be driving around in circles that night. But I just found it hilarious that she was meant to be speeding around the square and must have done so approximately 20 times before Danielle appeared on the road and got run down by her. And furthermore, that Danielle actually stopped and looked at the car coming towards her for a good 5 seconds or so and then literally allowed herself to be run over! But that's Eastenders for ya...

As always though, I was in awe of the legend that is Max Branning. That dude is too 'ard mate! So then I thought to myself - who are the best characters in Albert Square?

I came up with a top 5 list, and here they are, in no particular order:

1. Max Branning - the 'ardest player around



2. Jean Slater - the loveable nutjob



3. Janine Butcher - the baddest bitch



4. Patrick Trueman - the Ladbroke Grove representative, YA MUUUN!



5. Ian Beale - the pencil neck geek


What do you reckon? Do you agree with my list? Who would make your top 5?

Holla!

Dead Is Dead trailer

Ben + Locke = BANG BANG EPISODE

Can't wait for this one!

Eggnog got slewed

Can you believe this kid actually had the audacity to make an album???

Check out the review on Digital Spy:

Four months after last year's X Factor final, the most memorable thing about the singer who finished in third place is his name. Owen? Eoin? Euan? Nah, it's "Eoghan" apparently. Hmm... is that pronounced to rhyme with toboggan? No, actually it's like the surname of the shortest member of Take That. Good. Glad we've got that one cleared up.

Anyway, it comes as a bit of a surprise to find Eggnog, who made his way to the final as much on boyish charm than any innate singing talent, releasing the first X Factor Class Of '08 record. RCA seem to have missed a trick in failing to put this out before Mother's Day, but the delay can't have been caused by a painstaking search for the right material. Eunice's album features just one original track, a fairly forgettable pop-rock tune called '28,000 Friends' that sounds like track eight from a Busted album.

That aside, Enoch's album is filled with covers of songs he sang on The X Factor (a cheap-sounding remake of 'We're All In This Together', a listless take on 'Does Your Mother Know', a version of 'Never Forget' that's about as rousing as a bout of the flu) and songs he probably would have sung on The X Factor were it a few weeks longer ('She's The One' - pleasant enough, 'All About You' - dull as dieting). The only relatively obscure selections are 'Learn To Fly', a forgotten a1 ballad, and 'When You Look Me In The Eyes', a Jonas Brothers single that flopped on this side of the Atlantic.

Unsurprisingly, none of these covers trumps the version we all know and love. More shocking is the low quality control that's been applied to Emmenthal's vocals. 'Does Your Mother Know' and 'All About You' both feature bum notes aplenty, while the way he attempts to sing the chorus of 'Never Forget' is positively wince-inducing. These shaky performances serve to make the album sound amateurish as well as utterly redundant - and Elephant shows only fleeting glimpses of the charm that endeared him to X Factor viewers. The only saving grace? We won't be worrying how to pronounce his name again until Dancing On Ice 2011.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! They boyd him, HAHAHA! Dancing On Ice you know... that's a par mate.

I swear, I don't think I've ever seen a one star rated album before on there. Simon Cowell is gonna be overly pissed.

I'm bizzack

Yagga yo,

I ain't been on this shit in time, but now I'm BACK.

Had four rasclart uni deadlines last week... yes FOUR in one week! Including the big 'D' aka my dissertation. They take the piss... but it's all good though because I got everything done in typical McBarbie lastminute.com style, and I can breathe again for the next couple of weeks until I have to hand in my final assignment EVER!

After that, it's time to party like a rockstar and prepare myself for Miami 09. YEH MUHFUCKA YEH!!! That's how I'm rolling out here, ya dig?!

The only downside is that I won't get student discount anymore - PISSED.

Anyways, I've got mad shit to blog about - haven't been able to have a good rant in a while! So watch this space...

I'll be back in a bit yeah.

SAFE

Jack Shephard vs. John Locke

What's good.

If you're a Lost fan (and if you're not, then you fucking should be), check out this fan made YouTube video that covers the history of the captivating relationship between Dr. Jack Shephard and the legend that is John Locke.



"I don't believe in destiny."

"Yes you do - you just don't know it yet."

Fucking love it!!!

All hail John Locke!

The Cut Issue 3 OUT NOW

It's finally here!

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you the brand new Cut magazine!

The Cut team have been working long and hard over the cold winter months to bring you the third issue of the most innovative and streetwise youth-led magazine in London town!

This time around, you can look forward to reading about the likes of Charlie Crockett, De Tropix, DELS, Ava Leigh, Crazy Cousins, Kyza Smirnoff and Boris Johnson.

Alongisde that, we've got pieces on Obama's presidential triumph, secret style histories, greyhound racing, modern slanguage, London's most talented young comedians and a 'Back to the Old School' themed fashion shoot.

Be sure to check out our website, where you will also be able to download a PDF file of the magazine.

http://www.thecutnewspaper.com/

Keep it greazy!

The Brits 09

So what did everyone think?

Personally... I kinda enjoyed it. Thought Matthew Horne and James Corden were hilarious (the Craig David boyage was too much LOL bless him), and Kylie was alright too.

Enjoyed the performances by Kings of Leon, Duffy and my favourite ladies Girls Aloud, brap! They finally got an award as well! Did you see how wasted Sarah was? HAHA!

But the performance that really smacked it was of course the Estelle and Ting Tings collabo - even though I'm fed up of hearing American Boy, it was a nice little mix that worked really well.

Surprised Katy Perry won the best international female award... where was Rihanna in the nominations?

So, soooo relieved Kanye won best international male! 808's and Heartbreaks is one hard album.

And was it just me, or did anyone else get confused about what decade we are in??? Neil Diamond, Iron Maiden, AC/DC, U2... WTF?! Old man rockers, go away! Especially you Bono! Actually you need to just die already. HOW ANNOYING IS HE?!

Anyways, that's my 50 pence on the matter. I will leave you with a YouTube link to the best performance of the night.

PEACE

FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY

That's all I gotta say.

And now I'm off to get hammered, hahaha!

The Cut Issue 3 - not long to wait now...

So I saw some previews of the new issue of The Cut magazine yesterday evening...

and I can tell you right now - it's gonna be the best one yet.

You can expect to see pieces on the likes of DELS, Crazy Cousins, Boris Johnson, Sarah Maple, Goldielocks, Emily Cummins, De Tropix, Kyza Smirnoff, Giggs, Tim Campbell and much, much more!

Issue 3 will be out VERY soon, so watch this space!!!

Anyone who wants to get involved with the mag (contribution, promotion, distribution), do not hesitate to get in touch.

Big up the whole Cut crew for all their hard work and dedication - it's a lot!

Check out these links in the mean time:

http://www.thecutnewspaper.com/

www.myspace.com/stowe_newspaper

And don't forget to check out our Facebook group 'The Cut Magazine!' and join our fan page!

Peace

Prince Harry needs to hold it down

So Prince Harry has started up yet another race row.

This time, he has been accused of racism after telling black comedian Stephen K Amos: "You don't sound like a black chap." at a celebration of Prince Charles' 60th birthday.

This was apparantly Harry's idea of congratulating Mr Amos on his successful performance.

First there was the fancy dress Nazi uniform, then there was the "our little Paki friend" comment, and now this.

Harry, I beg you shut your mouth man. You're giving us white people a bad name, as well as your own family and the upper class. You're meant to be setting a bloody example you fool.

How are young people today, living in the multi-cultural society that we live in, supposed to relate to the Royal family when shizzle like this comes out? They're so out of touch man, it's embarassing.

Fix up!

Hold tight Noel Clarke

I know I'm a bit late, but I just wanted to dedicate one of my posts to the main man that is Mr Noel Clarke for his BAFTA win the other day.

For those who don't know by now, Noel won the Orange Rising Star Award, which was voted for by the great British public.

Noel is quoted to have said:

"It speaks volumes about what is happening in the world. If I'm not testament that a council estate kid can do all right then I don't know what is."

Brrrrrrap! That's what I'm talking about peeps!

Grove council estate boy done good. He even went to St. Charles, haha! Now that is what I call an achievement.

Big up yourself Noel and keep doing your thing. You're an inspiration.

Give the Oscar to Mickey Rourke

So I went to see The Wrestler the other day.

Someone had warned me beforehand it was 'shit' and that the ending was possibly the worst ever. But I just didn't believe her, and I had been looking forward to seeing this film for weeks, so yeah I watched it.

And it was fucking good!

The cinema dude told us that it was an 'emotional' film and 'harder to watch' than our other choice, Slumdog Millionaire. And yeah, it was emotional but the emotion was understated I'd say, and it actually didn't make me cry - I expected to be balling my eyes out watching it! I think the saddest part was after he had that sweet dance with his daughter and then had a little heart-to-heart with her - that got me a bit choked.

I also didn't realise it wasn't gonna be a typical 'Hollywood' film with loads of cheesy bits in it - very much like professional wrestling also - but it was the complete opposite. And no one could have predicted that ending, whether they felt it was good or bad (I'm still debating that, but I'm leaning towards the 'good' side). Randy's loneliness was very well portrayed and I felt that it produced a realistic picture of the world of professional wrestling.

I think I'm gonna add this to my DVD collection when it comes out. I ain't even seen any of the other Oscar-nominated films (I am dying to see Benjamin Button though) but fuck it, give the best actor award to Mickey and the supporting actress award to Marisa Tomei because she was fucking great as well.

Peace out.

The Cut MySpace

Please check out the newly improved MySpace page for The Cut magazine:

http://www.myspace.com/stowe_newspaper

The Cut is an innovative and streetwise lifestyle magazine created and put together by young people from all backgrounds across London.

Issue 3 soon come!

K, I really don't like Lily Allen anymore...

Before I start bitching about Lily again, let's talk CBB first.

OMG I can't believe La Toya went first yesterday! I was certain she was going to make it to the final day. These Jacksons man, they keep surprising us! Everyone thinks they're a bunch of freaks with stretched plastic faces and bad nose jobs, then they come along out of nowhere with these softly-spoken voices and impeccable manners, and you just can't help but really like them!

The Jacksons are alright you know!

Anyways, La Toya didn't deserve to go first, I mean WTF, who is actually voting for Ben?!! Nice guy and everything... but THAT'S IT! NOTHING ELSE TO OFFER!

Even worse: WHO'S VOTING FOR ULRIKA?! Bloody hell, where is this secret support coming from??? All the woman does is pull miserable faces in the house, moping around in her velour pants and speaking to everyone like they're her kids! She better be out first on Friday...

Right back to the matter at hand:

Lily Allen.

Again.

Please, just shut the fuck up and stop embarassing yourself with DUMB and blatantly attention-seeking comments.

After the whole 'as long as you can go to work the next day, it's alright to take cocaine a few times a week' furore, now she's been banging on about having so-called regular 'lesbian experiences' and 'fantasies'.

"I did once snog these identical twins in San Diego. I was on the sofa and I had them both, I was dancing and shoving my a**e on one of them and one on my front bottom.

That’s the only time, but I do have wet dreams - lesbian dreams - quite a lot."

Yeah alright Lily, whatever you say.

Why didn't I see from the beginning this stupid broad just chats crap to get meaningless attention and cheap publicity?! I bet you she's the type of girl that would start lipsing random girls at a party or something just for the benefit of the boys who would be watching. I hate that shit.

So yeah Lily, just shut your mouth and stop begging attention for once in your life. You don't need to tell us about your lesbian fantasies and wet dreams to remind us that you exist. Just stick to writing your music and singing because you really don't need to talk as much as you do.

And on that note, I'm gone.

BLESS

Coolio or Terry to win CBB6

Hello all.

I haven't commented on CBB6 as much as I intended to, but oh well. The show's nearly done and the final's round the corner.

After Michelle's abrupt exist, we are now left with Terry, Coolio, Tommy, La Toya, Ulrika, Verne and the other fella. Haha.

I really hope Coolio or Terry win. Terry is simply the dog's bollocks - his knowledge of like, everything, is fascinating, and he's been fair and pleasant without being boring or a sap. Coolio has made CBB6, and if it wasn't for him being there the show would have sucked BADLY.

I mean, this one hasn't been as entertaining or gripping as past series. Compare it to the one with Pete Burns (bastard but hilarious nonetheless), Michael Barrymore (arsehole) and Dennis Rodman (legend), or the one with John McCririck, Bez and Brigitte Nielsen (all legends). Classic BB entertainment right there!

This one ain't been too bad though. We discovered that Tina Malone IS Mimi Maguire, Michelle from Liberty X cries a lot, and La Toya Jackson actually isn't a freak after all! She's kinda normal... and nice... and she has a banging figure for a 52 year old!

I really like Tommy as well but I know he's not gonna win - I thought I wouldn't like him but I was wrong. I guess I was just ignorantly basing my assumption on all that hassle he had with the NOTW. And you gotta love how he's been wearing the Scotland strip in there all the time, haha. REPPING! I can't understand why he's not that popular with the viewing public... ?

I like Verne too but I don't think he should win. I have a feeling a lot of his votes are gonna be the result of people who feel sorry for him because of his condition, and that ain't right or fair.

Please please PLEASE don't let Ulrika win! Oh my god, I think I would actually die of anger.

Get this: she's actually been referred to as a 'feminist icon'.

...

LOL feminist icon??? ULRIKA IS A FEMINIST ICON?!!

Get the fuck outta here! If 4X4 Ulrika is a feminist icon, we have SERIOUS issues in this world.

Get Ulrika out

Check out this gem of a quote from Ulrika Jonsson on Celeb BB uttered during a whispered discussion about Tommy Sheridan with Michelle Heaton:

"You know, if you have any dignity or class... *laughs* no but if you hold yourself as a serious politician, I don't believe you would put yourself in a showbiz environment."

...

I'm sorry... was that the Ulrika Jonsson talking about dignity and class?

Ulrika Jonsson?

Same Ulrika who had an affair with a cameraman from Gladiators when she was married to someone else?

Same Ulrika who had another affair with Sven Goran Eriksson?

Same Ulrika with 4 kids by 4 different baby-fathers?

Let's not forget the John Leslie saga...

And the bitch wants to talk about someone else lacking in dignity and class???

Have a fucking word!

My god, that woman is vile beyond belief. I think she may be on par with Jordan when it comes to hypocrisy - and that's saying something!

Get her saggy has-been arse out of the house ASAP please. She's a waste of bloody space.

Lily Allen is waste

Check this article out from Digital Spy:

Lily Allen has become caught up in a cocaine controversy by appearing to condone its use.

The singer claimed that friends who use the drug can still manage to lead a normal life.

"I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work every day, no problem at all," the star told Metro.

"But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn't sensationalise this thing that just exists.

"The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you - you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that's not true."

Despite admitting that she no longer uses the drug, Allen added that in previous times cocaine had been 'dished out' within the music industry.

"I'd have been booked in at the Ritz with five grams of cocaine on my table," she added.

********************

Seriously... do I even need to explain how STUPID she is???

What a fucking tool.

Why do people always try to make out cocaine is a 'nothing' drug? They treat it so casually, like it can't kill you.

Well I got news for you peeps - it bloody well can.

Oh yeah, just sniff a couple of times of week, as long as you go to work the next day, you'll be alright!

I can't believe she had the audacity to publicly say something like that. One minute she's like 'I'm off the drugs, drugs are bad, I'm off the booze, I'm so mature now, I go to art galleries and stuff' and then the next she's coming out with TRIPE like that! Unbelievable.

What's happened to this girl? I used to love her off back in the day, praise her every move. Don't get me wrong, I still think she's got talent and she knows how to sing. But she is just constantly taking the piss these days. I feel like I can't relate to her anymore.

If she ain't making a tit out of herself putting charlie up her conk, she's dating some scruffy old man old enough to her dad - or better yet, her dad's mate! Or she's posing in her underwear for GQ magazine (OK it wasn't that bad, but still!), or she's developed some annoying posh accent for her crappy BBC chat show! I mean, what was that all about?! She never talked like that before???

Lily, you're getting on my fucking nerves rudegirl. I feel like I ain't got time for you no more. I don't think I'm even buying the new album - I might just illegally download it, haha! You need to FIX UP and fast...

Bless.

Surviving Gazza

Happy new year everyone.

OK, so I just watched the Gazza documentary that was on Channel 4.

Interesting...

There's a few points I want to raise in regards to the programme that baffled me/amused me/angered me.

First of all - why did they keep going on about Gazza being the "kid's" father figure when he isn't even Bianca's and Mason's biological dad and he didn't exactly stick around for long when they were growing up? I thought it was funny and weird that his biological son thought the least of him and clearly didn't care too much to have a relationship with his dad. And who can blame him??? Gazza left when he was like, 18 months say, and on top of that, he beat the shit out of the boy's mum on various occasions. Why should he give a toss?

Then you've got the other two banging on about how he's still their 'dad' and how much they love him and how they'll never give up on him and bla bla bla.

Oh come off it! So you're standing up for someone who isn't even blood related to you and who abused the person who IS blood related to you and who actually brought you up i.e. your mum. What kind of bullshit is that?!

Don't get me wrong, I know Gazza's ill and fucked up and I know he's like, one of the greatest footballers this country's ever produced. But you can't excuse his behaviour and actions just because once upon a time he knew how to kick a ball about and score some goals.

And why was he even let out of the Priory when he was clearly still insane?! I didn't get that part... the man's rambling on about bad luck with odd numbers and phone calls to the Pope and yet he is allowed back into society to roam free and do whatever the hell he likes? How did he even manage to travel from country to country in the state that he was in? Who was letting him board his flights?!!

And Sheryl's like, "I'm doing it for the kids, the kids want him back in the house."

Errr if the "kids" wanna live with him so badly, they are old enough to move out and move in with Gazza elsewhere! And then they can put up with all the violence, the outbursts, the insane ramblings, the odd behaviour, the non-stop drinking...

Nah didn't think so.

The whole thing was just fucked up and bullshit. Leave the man alone. If he hasn't realised by now what he's doing wrong, then that's his business. Only he can help himself at that point, no one else. And if he never realises, then oh well. That's life I'm afraid. That's his decision to make.

I'm gone.

BLESS

X Factor voting details - errrr WTF?!

Check this out everyone:

TOTAL VOTES CAST OVER ENTIRE SERIES : 16,469,064

Show 1
Eoghan Quigg 21.19%
Scott Bruton 19.48%
Laura White 16.99%
Diana Vickers 7.35%
Daniel Evans 7.21%
Alexandra Burke 7.20%
JLS 5.03%
Rachel Hylton 4.77%
Austin Drage 3.63%
Ruth Lorenzo 3.47%
Girlband 2.17%
Bad Lashes 1.51% (Deadlock)

Show 2
Eoghan Quigg 26.77%
Diana Vickers 16.24%
JLS 9.21%
Laura White 8.99%
Austin Drage 8.98%
Daniel Evans 8.23%
Alexandra Burke 7.15%
Rachel Hylton 5.01%
Scott Bruton 4.17%
Ruth Lorenzo 2.95%
Girlband 2.30% (Deadlock)

Show 3
Eoghan Quigg 20.73%
Diana Vickers 15.13%
Rachel Hylton 12.21%
JLS 10.81%
Ruth Lorenzo 8.93%
Alexandra Burke 8.83%
Laura White 7.53%
Austin Drage 6.22%
Daniel Evans 5.94%
Scott Bruton 3.67% (Judges)

Show 4
Eoghan Quigg 19.81%
JLS 17.00%
Diana Vickers 15.24%
Daniel Evans 10.83%
Ruth Lorenzo 10.25%
Alexandra Burke 8.82%
Laura White 7.38%
Austin Drage 6.86% (Judges)
Rachel Hylton 3.81%

Show 5
Eoghan Quigg 27.39%
Alexandra Burke 18.35%
Daniel Evans 13.77%
JLS 13.26%
Rachel Hylton 10.39%
Laura White 9.90% (Judges)
Ruth Lorenzo 6.94%

Show 6
Diana Vickers 31.30%
Eoghan Quigg 19.56%
Ruth Lorenzo 13.91%
Alexandra Burke 13.31%
JLS 9.91%
Daniel Evans 7.53% (Judges)
Rachel Hylton 4.48%

Show 7
Eoghan Quigg 31.79%
Diana Vickers 18.94%
Ruth Lorenzo 16.07%
Alexandra Burke 14.97%
JLS 11.75%
Rachel Hylton 6.48% (Judges)

Show 8
Alexandra Burke 24.53%
JLS 24.34%
Eoghan Quigg 19.58%
Diana Vickers 16.32%
Ruth Lorenzo 15.23% (Public)

Show 9
JLS 35.03%
Alexandra Burke 31.04%
Eoghan Quigg 21.14%
Diana Vickers 12.79% (Public)

Show 10 (Final) – At vote freeze
Alexandra Burke 44.02%
JLS 30.65%
Eoghan Quigg 25.33%

Show 10 (Final) – Final Result
Alexandra Burke 58.34%
JLS 41.66%


... So Eggnog won SIX out of 10 shows?!!

Oh my lady!

WHO THE HELL WAS VOTING FOR THIS GUY???

• Scott finished 2nd in the first week!
• Daniel never finished bottom!
• Alexandra won only one show outside of the final!

Revelations or what?!!

X Factor final 2008

What's good people?

Thought I'd take this opportunity to make some random observations and comments about the grand X Factor final that happened a couple of days ago.

• I wanted Alexandra to win, JLS 2nd and Eggnog 3rd - the British public agreed.
• I know Alexandra is a human being but all that hyperventilating and non-stop crying made me cringe.
• Beyonce smacked it - effortless.
• Alexandra's duet with Beyonce = very sweet.
• JLS = Blacklife - well done Louis (tit).
• Ronan Keating completely took over from Eggnog.
• Ronan Keating = ginger facial hair and wrinkly.
• Boyzone in general = looked like shit.
• I actually felt sorry for Eggnog.
• Cheryl's dress - nuff said.
• Cheryl's skin and bones look - nuff said.
• Dannii's curves - that's a good look.
• Rachel - was she even wearing make-up??!
• Hallelujah - should be Diana's song.

Overall, Alexandra was definately the deserved winner but after watching some of her past performances before she got booted off, I feel that Laura White was the best vocalist out the lot.

6 months to go until X Factor 2009!

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes...

Man dem lemme see you keep it sho!

Ladies lemme see you go down low!

Heads, shoulders, knees and toes! Heads, shoulders, knees and toes!

HAHAHAHAHA!

This tune is haaaaaard!

List of things that piss me off - pt. 2

11. When people make plans to meet up with you, then they dowse and don’t even bother to provide you with an explanation. Ignorant PRICKS.

12. Those fucking annoying generic ‘MySpace Hoes’ comments, e.g. “Just passin tru 2 show some luv! Hope all is bless... take it easy, don’t be a stranger 2 my page bbz xxx” – get out of here man. Oh and those blasted spam comments as well, and when people don’t even bother to delete them and allow them to clog up their page! WHY???

13. Dirty old perverts who try to add you when they have nuff skets in their top friends that they blatantly don’t know outside of MySpace, you bunch of sad bastards! Why would I want to be friends with a 49 year old man who's not in my family? FUCK OFF!

14. When old people try to shove past you when you’re getting on the bus, just because they’re old. Errrr if you wait two fucking seconds grandma, I’ll gladly let you get on first so you can take your seat at the front, but no, you’re too rasclart quick!

15. Speaking of old people on buses: when they don’t give you two seconds to give up your seat for them before they start moaning and tutting over having to stand and that kids ain’t got no respect... again, TOO QUICK. And besides, even if I don’t give up my seat, how do you if I’m not well enough to stand myself? Maybe I’ve got a fucking broken foot or some shit, maybe I’m up the duff for all you know?! So get the hell off my case you old demented bastards!

16. The N7 bus. I won’t even go into this one... nuff said.

17. Night buses in general. Nuff said.

18. When people try and tell me that I’m not really Scottish because I was born in London. Oh OK, so I have like, 10 generations of family that all come from Scotland, but I’m NOT Scottish? If I was born in Japan, would you say I’m Japanese? NO YOU WOULDN’T. People need to recognise that England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are all separate fucking countries! Douchebags.

19. People that don’t know how to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’.

20. People that interrupt other people when they’re talking, because they think that their point/story is more important and interesting when in actual fact most of the time it’s not, and then they don’t even bother to go back to what you were saying in the first place. MY GOD, that is one of the most annoying things in the world, I truly can’t STAND it when people interrupt others on a regular basis. Do yourself a favour and SHUT THE FUCK UP for once in your life! KMT!

And yes I did just write KMT! lol

I'm only playing.

Part 3 soon come.

JLS are screwed

So the X Factor final is happening this Saturday night coming.

And the 'special' guests that will be performing with the three finalists have been confirmed.

Alexandra has got BEYONCE.

JLS were supposed to have Rihanna but she's dropped out so now they have...

... wait for it...

WESTLIFE
..................................................................................

And Eggnog has BOYZONE.

Seriously... WESTLIFE and BOYZONE?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Is that REALLY the best Simon and Louis could come up with?! Louis' choice is especially lazy.

JLS and WestSHITE do not go hand in hand. It's safe to say they're blatantly NOT winning the competition now. From Rihanna to Westlife - they're PISSED.

I see Alexandra winning it now and I hope she does.

If Eggnog wins I think they might as well make this X Factor the last because that would be some straight bullshit right there and the show would literally lose all credibility that most people believe it lacks anyway.

OK I'm gone.

BLESS

Britney week on X Factor - the worst ever?

One thing that pisses me off about the X Factor is the way the judges all lick celebrity arse, especially Simon! As surprising as that may sound, it's true.

On Saturday's show Britney Spears made her long-awaited comeback on British television, performing for the first time in over four years.

And boy was it a let down!

Look, I'm a supporter of Britney. I'm perfectly aware of the shit she went through prior to her comeback and the media's disgraceful, inhumane treatment of her during all her mental problems. So I'm all for Britney getting back to her normal self and having a successful career once again.

However, she went on a show that functions through LIVE performances by amateur singers and she MIMED. She mimed, everyone. And what's worse, did anyone actually expect her to NOT mime? It was so predictable that she would not deliver a live performance. I don't give a fuck if she was dancing or not because her dancing wasn't all that either. If you can't dance and sing at the same time, then don't do both. Just sing. Simple as that.

Is it just me or did she look slightly uncomfortable and like she was kinda unsure of herself? I don't think that was the same Britney as before... maybe she was too nervous. Plus her hair and make-up sucked. Who was styling this woman on the night? Whoever you are, you should blatantly get sacked.

And then she gave the vaguest, shortest and most useless answers in history to Dermot when he questioned her about the show and the contestants! That made me cringe so much. It was obvious she hadn't bothered to watch any of the performances beforehand. This was confirmed when I read later on that Simon had approached her in her dressing room and asked if she had been watching backstage and she told him no, leaving him visibly gobsmacked.

Why didn't she watch them? Why didn't she give masterclasses or whatever they're called to the contestants, like all the other guests have done? What was the actual POINT in her being there???

And then, to top it off, Miley friggin' Cyrus - who is like, 10 years younger then Britney - comes out of nowhere and sings live and in tune while dancing at the same time! What's that all about, eh?!!

I'm sorry, but it was just so pathetic. Britney is quite possibly the most overrated, over hyped recording artist in history.

Britney week SUCKED!!!

Dumb retail assistants

So the other day, I went to Westfield and bought a new winter coat from River Island. Very cute. However, when I got home I realised a button was missing on one of the fucking sleeves - great.

You know what, River Island are actually quite bad for faulty items. I remember I was gonna buy a party dress from there for me birthday last year, and when I attempted to try it on, nuff sequins were flying everywhere! And that shit was gonna cost me £70 or something, get outta here man!

Anyways, I wanted to get an exchange right. I thought I should call up the shop and see if they had another size 10 because I didn't wanna trek all the way back there for them to not have another coat in stock for me. So I called up and described the coat to a woman who worked there and she went off to find it for me... then she came back and said hello. I said hello back. Then I heard her talking to someone else... then she hung up!

The bloody cheek of it! Why the hell did she hang up for??? MORON!

So I called back and someone else answered and she sounded a bit baffled when I told her the other chick hung up. Then the other woman came back on the phone and asked me if it was about the coat and then said she'd found one for me.

Errrr well that's all well and good love, but next time do you wanna apologise for hanging up the damn phone on a customer you ignorant tit?!

I swear, I don't know how most peeps get jobs in the retail industry, because too many of them lack BASIC manners. I had to return a shitty broken necklace to New Look as well - you should have seen the way the girl was acting who did the refund! All slumped over the desk like she was about to fall asleep any second, couldn't even bring herself to stand up properly. Kept yawning in front of me and took about 10 minutes to give me my money back. Like fucks sake, that shit is meant to take like, 2 minutes max! WTF you playing at woman, do you think I've got all day to be here?!! Dumbass broad!

OK she wasn't being directly rude to me, but it's just ignorance man. If you can't do the job properly, then just fucking quit and go find another one! All the staff there looked like they wanted to kill themselves in there, all depressed and shit! I know to not to apply to New Look when I want a likkle job in the near future, lemme tell you that right now!

PEACE

She's gone

Well people, Rachel Hylton's controversial X Factor journey has come to an end.

I was a fan of hers from day one, but I understand why other peeps didn't warm to her, and her performances were not consistent - not helped by dodgy song choices.

Personally, I felt she outsang JLS on the main show and during the bottom two sing-off as well. However, seeing as that was her third time in the bottom two, I suppose it was only fair that it was her last. Unfortunately, it was plain to see she was never going to win the competition. The voting public did not get her... erm, 'ghetto' personality shall we say, and I suppose the gunshot hand sign she did last weekend when she triumphed over Daniel didn't help either. Maybe when she learns to tone things down a notch and figures out when to shutup every once in a while, she can enjoy great success in the future. I hope she does anyway.

JLS have been more consistent and it was their first time in the bottom two. I don't know why 'A Million Love Songs' didn't work for them... they're supposed to be the bollocks at the harmony stuff, but they flopped on the night. Something wasn't right... why the judges didn't comment on their vocal performance just baffled me. You would expect Simon to especially. But I like them and hopefully they will last longer than Eggnog.

I like everyone else who is left except for him. Ruth is my favourite now. Don't you just love the way Simon is clearly mesmerised every time she takes to the stage? HAHAHA.

I hope Rachel gets signed up regardless of her early exit. She smacked it.

*does gunshot hand sign*

I'm gone.

P.S. Louis is an immature PRICK.

P.P.S. Why did Same Difference come back on the show to MIME their performance? My god, they're annoying.

List of things that piss me off - pt. 1

1. When you’re PROPER looking forward to eating something that’s waiting for you in your fridge, and then you go to eat it and it’s not there anymore (courtesy of some other fat, greedy bastard in your household)

2. When people (aka my Dad) leave empty packets of food in the kitchen/fridge as if there is something still in the packet, instead of simply throwing them in the bin. Why would any sane person do that?

3. When people say they’re gonna call you and then they don’t. DON’T BOTHER SAYING YOU’RE GONNA CALL IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING SO.

4. When you record something on Sky+ and then you go to watch the programme and the recording finishes 2 minutes early or starts 2 minutes late!

5. When Sky+ doesn’t work full stop.

6. 99% of Sky engineers.

7. When cashiers decide to put your change and receipt on the till surface instead of putting it in your hands LIKE POLITE PEOPLE WOULD DO.

8. When cashiers/shop assistants don’t bother to say hello/thank you/please to you. How the fuck do these people get employed when they don’t possess BASIC manners?!!

9. When people try to justify smoking. Just don’t do it. Please.

10. IGNORANT arse bus drivers for London Transport. You know the ones who try to give you lip behind their pathetic plastic shield thingamajigs, the ones who blatantly ignore you when you try to ask them a simple question regarding the route you’re travelling, the ones who don’t stop when you ring the bell to get off the bus, the ones who drive off when they can clearly see you trying to catch the bus, the ones who don’t even stop at the bus stop and drive on like they can’t see you...


Part 2 and the rest to come later...

Hold tight.

Vote Obama

Vote Obama 2008!

Hammersmith Palais reunion = STRAIGHT FLOPPAGE

Easy,

I'm still slackin' with this blog ting, but party season is among us, and November is gonna be one hell of a busy month for yours truly.

I just came on here to let everyone know that the so-called 'Hammersmith Palais' reunion at Ion Bar was a complete FLOP.

And I just don't understand why!

How can they be telling everyone the guestlist filled up so quickly for the venue to be half empty on the night? What the hell happened?!

That will teach me in the future not to get so excited by the tiniest bit of nostalgia. What a waste of my damn time! I can't believe I even stuck around for so long. I guess I was just hoping and waiting for more peeps to show up, thinking the event was yet to peak.

I was wrong. Oh so wrong.

I've seen more action in Chicken Cottage across the road.

And how you gonna charge one person a tenner for a double vodka and Red Bull, and another the same price for THREE glasses of wine?!! What sense does that make? It's Grove mate, not fucking Mayfair.

Get the fuck outta here!