Big Brother 9 - the finale

So the grand Big Brother 9 finale is here. Britain’s biggest and most talked-about reality television show ever will come to a conclusion tonight; the final five housemates will step back into the outside world once again, after a very long yet thoroughly entertaining 93 days in the famous (or should that be infamous?) Big Brother house.

It’s the first time in the show’s history that I haven’t been able to accurately predict the leaving order of the remaining housemates and the outright winner. According to insiders, the voting is very close, yet this could just be clever manipulation by the programme’s producers to get more pennies out of the viewers. Bizarrely, the bookie’s odds and predictions couldn't be any more different to the online polls and the various Big Brother-watching Internet forums.

Blind Scotsman Mikey is currently favourite to win with many of the bookmakers, yet he is bottom of the pecking order in the online polls. Sweet-natured Rachel is hugely popular with forum users, particularly with the Digital Spy crew, despite being continuously labelled as a ‘fence-sitter’ and a dullard. Meanwhile, self-confessed party animal and executive chef Rex is also generating a very mixed and confusing response from fans of the show; one online poll suggests he is the second most favourite housemate left whilst simultaneously he has the most votes for being the least liked housemate. And American songwriter Darnell Swallow – a complex character by his own admission – has ‘fallen from grace’ in the last few weeks due to his mystifying relationship with Aussie girl Sara, and his generally erratic behaviour, leaving him with hopeless odds to win. However, he still appears to have loyal supporters and in the final week of the show, has patched up his differences with his flirting partner, and has provided entertainment aplenty throughout the thirteen weeks of the show.

Anyways, screw all of that! Here is my personal take on the last five housemates of Big Brother 9:

Sara – First of all, I like her. And it seems strange that I like her, because on paper I don’t think I would like her! She’s everything that I’m not – loud, extremely flirtatious, wild, and a bit of a man-eater. She also had a lot to do with Darnell’s ‘fall from grace’. But shameless flirting aside, I think that she is a genuinely nice girl who has had a bit of a rough ride in life. It’s weird but refreshing to see that while she appears to be incapable of NOT flirting with members of the opposite sex, and strongly resembles someone as stunning as Angelina Jolie, she has a down-to-earth nature about her, and hasn’t been bitchy at all whilst still having provided entertainment in the house. The only thing that peed me off about her is that she gave a lot of attention to Darnell only to confess she actually fancied boring Stuart, who had zero interest in pursuing her anyway. If she really believes that the way she has behaved with Darnell is purely platonic, then I think she needs to change her ways and re-asses how she acts with the men in her life! However, I’m still not giving up on the idea of a genuine romance between her and Darnell – did anyone see them having ‘fun’ in the pool last week? C’mon, if there is no real spark or chemistry between them, then I’m the Queen of England!

Rex – Oh dear, where to start with a character like Rex? Arrogant, jealous, controlling, rude, obnoxious, self-obsessed and unashamedly boastful! Yet at the same time, I can’t help but bloody like the guy. What is it about him, people?! He’s dished out insults and been downright horrible and nasty to the likes of Rachel, Mikey and Sara at times. But back at the beginning, he also refused to accept defeat to the deluded, vile psychopath that was Alex when she was doing her best to bully the entire household. He has constantly informed Rachel that she is boring, dull and a person with no opinions or backbone (although he does have a point), but after the heartbreak of Kat and Mo Mo’s shock evictions, he was there to provide a shoulder for her to cry on. A complicated persona to say the least, he has undeniably provided entertainment and classic BB quotes throughout his time in the house, and put great effort into all of the tasks. Watching his relationship with his ‘beautiful princess’ Nicole was utterly excruciating, but his playful friendship with Mo was heart-warming at times, and he remained a loyal friend to the bitter end. I don’t want the guy to win because we really don’t need to be giving someone with as much cash in the bank as him any more money! I also don’t want to witness his ego grow any bigger than what it is now. However, I do think he should at least finish in the top three just for all the entertainment he has delivered to the viewers and for arguably being one of the greatest BB housemates of all time.

Rachel – OK, lemme just get one thing straight. I like Rachel. She is clearly a genuinely nice person, although perhaps TOO nice for some. She has been consistent throughout BB9, loyal to people that didn’t even deserve her loyalty (ahem, Rex), and has a heart of gold. But let’s be real now – Big Brother isn’t about who’s the nicest person in the world. It is about being entertained! We want a winner who is a decent human being, who has made mistakes and had up’s and down’s, and who at the same time, has satisfied viewers by providing stories of mixed HUMAN emotions, e.g. anger, frustration, happiness, sadness, shock etc. Rachel has just been nice. That’s it. Just nice. The most personality we seen from her was when she got a basket of grapes from Big Brother – and that’s extremely worrying in itself. What’s also worrying is the fact that she didn’t know what an aubergine was, how many days there are in a year, and that Darnell is actually a black man, when she is training to become a teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I do admire her for her lasting relationships with the likes of Kat and Mikey, with the latter being a tad patronising at times due to Rachel’s tendency to treat ‘Mikey Wikey’ like one of her future primary school pupils. But she hasn’t been very entertaining, or a memorable housemate. I’m sure that if it hadn’t been for Rex bullying her on various occasions (especially the time when he couldn’t stop droning on and on about her VT – that really wasn’t fair on her), she probably would have been voted out a long time ago, or at least first for definite on the final night. Yet somehow, she’s more popular than Brighton beach on hot summer’s day! I don’t get it! If she finishes above someone like Darnell, never mind winning the whole show, I might actually have to end my life prematurely. I respect nice and kind people, but I also respect people who have backbones and an opinion, even if I don’t agree with their opinions or think they are just being a complete arsehole (like Rex). Sorry Rachel, but you would definitely be the worst BB winner of all the time if you manage it tonight!

Mikey – Ahhh, the chilli-eating king! In my eyes, Mikey has been a fucking fantastic housemate! He has provided many hilarious moments for me, when my stomach has been literally aching from laughing so hard. The thing is, he’s so funny but he doesn’t even have to try! There’s so many positive things I can say about this guy. At the beginning, I had quite a different opinion on him. He came across as slightly perverted, and his instant friendship with the class-A loser that is Mario did not do him any favours either. But once the baddies left the house, Mikey really started to shine. It is not about being the poor blind guy. I really don’t think people are gonna be voting for Mikey to win just because he can’t see. Despite the obvious obstacles, he’s never used his blindness as a pity tool, he’s given absolutely everything in all the crazy tasks (the puppet one, the ‘Thriller’ one, the chilli one…), he’s stuck up to Rex and Alex while still keeping his cool, and he’s told it how it is consistently throughout the entire show, having almost always been spot on with his opinions and observations. Even if you don’t agree with everything that Mikey has done or said, you still can’t deny that the guy deserves massive respect for what he has achieved for being the first blind person ever in Big Brother history. When I first found out the producers were putting a blind man in the house, I really thought that it would probably be the end of Big Brother. But it has turned out to be one of the best ideas ever and a complete success! I really hope that the online polls are wrong and the bookmakers are right, because Mikey truly deserves to get second place at least on the final night.

Darnell – Saved the best ‘til last. *Adopts Darnell’s American tone* DAMMIT! If Darnell doesn’t win Big Brother 9, it will just SUCK DUDE! Seriously though, I will actually be heartbroken if he doesn’t pull it off, and I’ve got a really bad feeling that he won’t make it to the end. Ever since ‘Sara-is-an-ugly-bitch-and-slut-gate’, Darnell’s popularity has plummeted HUGELY. I can’t believe that just a few weeks ago he was the outright favourite to win, and now I’m reading/hearing that it is likely he will be the first out tonight! Don’t get me wrong, I for one can admit straight away that Darnell is not perfect. He is a deeply-flawed human being, with many issues that I now think he is aware of and needs to address when he gets out of the house. He is extremely paranoid, insecure, self-obsessed, aggressive and overly-analytical. But he is also intelligent, witty, talented, painfully honest and a decent guy when you look past all the negatives. He is by far the most complex character from this series, and probably from all of the nine series put together! This is what makes him so fascinating to watch, and why he has been such an entertaining housemate, and easily one of the greatest ever in my eyes. Out of all the other housemates, I really believe that Darnell NEEDS to win the most. He needs to finally accept that HE has been accepted by the public for who he is, and get rid of all the self-pitying insecurities that he has held a tight grip on for the whole of his life. I know that he acted like a complete jerk with Sara, but what with her naturally flirtatious behaviour combined with his bad luck with women in the past and constant insecurities stemmed from his albinism, can you blame the guy for being a bit bitter? Let’s not just concentrate on his bad week with Sara; instead, let’s remember how he stuck up for Mo so passionately during ‘Spit-gate’, how he put all of the ‘Whisper Club’ in their places the very next day, how he put Bex in her place in defence of his friend Kat, how he refused to back down to Mario during the big band task, how he sussed bitchy Luke in the early days for his sly and 2-faced nature and how he exposed him in front of everyone in the kitchen out of nowhere… and let’s not forget his loyal and lasting friendships with the likes of Kat, Mo, Rex and Rachel aka his fellow B-Blockers. The man is responsible for ‘B-Block’ even existing! Like I already said, Darnell NEEDS to be the last man standing and the winner of BB9. If he isn’t, then it will be a complete travesty, and the series will be void to me.

Do the right thing – vote Darnell to win!