Thursday, 13 August 2009

Bea Hamill = the spawn of Satan

Look at her!!!

Just look at those eyes! She's POSSESSED!

You know, in the 10 long years of Big Brother, we've had some serious, downright bastards in there. The type of 'people' (and I use that term with extreme hesitance) that provoke laughter from you because if you don't laugh at them, you will feel the strongest urge to jump up off of your sofa, fly kick your television set onto the floor and proceed to stomp all over it in sheer rage because their appalling, disgusting and un-human-like behaviour infuriates you that much!

We've had Makosi... we've had Charley... we've had Dennis... we've had Alexandra... we've had Kenneth...

And they all left us thinking that surely, just SURELY, a higher level of evil could not exist in this world.

And then along came Bea. The spawn of Satan himself! The psychologists are going to have a fucking field day when that bitch comes out.

Now there is deluded and then there is deluded beyond belief. Bea is deluded beyond belief.

Notice how almost all of the venomous insults she throws at her fellow housemates are actually a reflection of her own fucked-up character. But little does she realise! Because Bea has never said a bad word about anyone! Bea hasn't done anything wrong! Bea's quite a nice person you know!

Lemme get this straight. Bea threatens to steal a can of cider from Halfwit's draw - out of spite, might I add - and Marcus (Halfwit's FRIEND) responds by telling her that wouldn't be a wise move and that she is being negative again. Bea then launches into yet another unprovoked venom-fuelled attack on Halfwit's character, unconvincingly threatens to leave the BB house and labels Marcus a bully, all through a big bunch of crocodile tears.

And then says: "If you can't take it don't dish it out!"

AHAHAHAHAHA. She's so funny. Crazy bitch.

I could carry on pointing out and analysing her satanic actions and behaviour but I'd be here all bloody night and I ain't got the time for that. All I'm saying is, Marcus needs to go this week. Not because I actually want him to go: if he stays, he will be the only one able to put Bea in her place. But he needs to go because it will be priceless to see the horrified and hugely-disappointed reaction of that gangly, bruck-toothed, eyes-too-close-together, 40-faced, duplicitous, nasty, manipulative WHORE when Halfwit survives ANOTHER public vote. And then, we would have a Bea vs Halfwit showdown to look forward to next week.

Surely we all wanna see that?!!

The Cut issue 4 - OUT NOW!!!

Yes yes peeps,

Make sure you check out Issue 4 of The Cut aka the Alternative Issue.

Inside we have...

* A guide to all the latest skanks
* A history of subcultures
* Tinchy Stryder - our cover star
* Stephen K Amos on homophobia
* DaVinChe
* Zarif
* New Boys Jerkin'
* Lawrence Watson
* Poppy and The Jezebels

And much, much more!

Pick up your FREE copy all over LDN from Size?, Rough Trade, Stateside, Fopp, The Social, ICA, or anywhere you see a Don't Panic pack (you should spot The Cut by its side).

Alternatively, holla at your girl for a copy!

Peace and love

P.S. This is my 100th post - brap brap!

This dude is SERIOUS

Who knew the 'Migraine Skank' could sound so beautiful???

Go white boy, go white boy, go white boy!

Yeah he's SICK.


Look at this complete NUMPTY:

I think it's safe to say she made a right tit of herself!

(Ahem, I'll get me coat...)

No seriously, c'mon. WHAT IS THAT?!

My goodness she is VILE! EURGH. I don't know who I hate more: her or Kenneth. But she is definitely up there has one of my all-time most hated BB housemates.


Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Helen & Paul 4eva xxx

Behold, the greatest BB love story of all time:


Helen and Paul kept it real you know. They were a GENUINE BB couple, that shit wasn't for the cameras. Fuck Michelle and Stuart, Maxwell and Saskia, Imogen and Sezer, Nikki and Pete, Chanelle and Ziggy, and Dale and Jen! They ain't got NUFFIN on good ol' H&P!

Well Helen and Paul aren't even a couple anymore but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT OK?! Let's just sit back and remember what they once had together...


K I'm done now, it's munching time.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Where have you been all my life Cocoa Butter??!

Seriously, this stuff is the SHIT! The sad thing is, I'm only realising it now - I'm such a loser!

I swear, all these years I've been spending my pennies on these expensive, wasted and odourless moisturisers. I had bare (black) people in my ear telling me I was looking in the wrong direction and needed to sample a little something called 'cocoa butter'. After all, you know what they say: black don't crack. HAHA. But alas, I ignored them and carried on using my Nivea/Simple/Dove formulas.

So the other day when I needed a new supply of body cream, I saw the variations of cocoa butter lotions sitting on the shelves in Boots and I thought fuck it, lemme have a butchers at one of these and see what's really good!

I tell ya, I am not looking back folks. Every time I put it on, I wanna lick it all off again! Ooooohhh it smells so fine! DAYUM!!!


So I guess the lesson of this little tale is: always listen to black people.


Saturday, 1 August 2009

Don't fuck about with the best!

Need I say anymore?

Mariah got OWNED!