Ne-Yo 'Miss Independent'

Biggest tuneage right now:



Bless

Eye hate Louis Walsh

(Sometimes) the X Factor is so fucking annoying!!!

Yesterday was such a good show, almost all of the acts performed their best yet. It was clear to see that the weakest link once again was Daniel Evans.

Dude is not meant to be on the show.

We FINALLY get him just where we want him - the bottom two. Alongside him was Scott, who performed well but wasn't as outstanding as the rest. It should have been the little Irish twerp instead.

So straight away, I thought Scott had it in the bag and Daniel was a goner. Even when Daniel turned around and said he was dedicating his song to his wife *rolls eyes* - sorry, I'm not heartless right, what happened to this guy really did move me, but I just thought that was so typical of him to say that. Obviously, Scott can't compete with Daniel's sob story.

Then they both sang, and well, I still would have kept Scott in. Who can actually see Daniel winning? He is there because of his background, not because he has 'the X factor'. For the past couple of weeks, Louis has told him the exact same thing.

So WTF HAPPENED?!!

Louis ends up blubbering like a bitch, and SAVES Daniel, alongside his mentor Dannii (at least that makes sense) and Cheryl.

Seriously, Louis and Cheryl suck so bad. I've got nuff love for Cheryl, but she let me down yesterday, falling for the soppiness. I was just so shocked man. I was sitting there telling my mum she's an idiot for thinking that Daniel could get through again. I would have bet my life on him going!

It's official: Simon is the only sane judge left. It no longer matters what the rest of them think.

Oh and Ruth, Alexandra, Laura, Rachel (finally), Diana and Austin all smacked it!

The end.

The MOBO's SUCKED

Where do I friggin' start?

I watched the MOBO's last night... and it was a waste of my damn time if I'm being perfectly honest.

In regards to the nominations, I would just like to say that I don't understand why Jay Sean was nominated in the best male category - sorry, but who cares about that guy? True say he just got a deal with Cash Money records (dunno how the fuck that happened), but still!

Two GRIME artists in the 'Best Hip Hop' category? THAT MAKES SENSE.

The 'Best Song' category was fine, apart from Flo Rida's tune being included... allow it.

Right, now that I've got that off me chest, I can now vent my anger about the actual show.

As per usual, the more important award winners didn't show up. And I don't blame them one bit. But at least you get why the American's don't bother; what's more concerning is the UK artists not being there! Dizzee Rascal's on tour, OK, but my man didn't even leave a video message! HAHA!

Leona Lewis is another one. You know what, they probably shouldn't let peeps win the awards if they don't wanna come to the ceremony, simple as that. It would be a lot less embarrassing for the organisers.

Lil' Wayne, Chris Brown... more no-shows. At least Chris Brown bothered to leave a message though.

Let's take a look at the winners on the night:

Best UK Female - Estelle - fine by me.
Best UK Male - Dizzee - fine by me.

Best UK Newcomer - Chipmunk - fine by me.

Best International Act - don't care.
Best Reggae - no opinion.

Best Jazz - no opinion.

Best Gospel - can't really comment, but the last video shown in the nominations segment looked good and the most gospel-sounding! Didn't win though...

Best African Act - no opinion.

Best Song - fair result, but not my personal choice.

Best R&B/Soul - not bothered.

Best Hip Hop - well it certainly weren't Wiley! Lil' Wayne - understandable.

Best Video - don't care really.

Best Album - OK, I haven't actually heard Leona Lewis' album, but I've heard Estelle's and it's a banging album, and well, we all know the deal with Lil' Wayne's record, so don't think that was a fair result.

Best Club DJ - loool even though he's a mug, I rate Tim Westwood for pointing out to the peeps booing him that at least he bothered to show up. But then he blew it when he gave a shout-out to Giggs - arse-licker.

Best Radio DJ -the general consensus was that Ace and Vis were more deserved winners than Trevor, but it was an obvious result.

As for the performances... how is UK music supposed to get respect and credibility when you got peeps like Taio Cruz and Craig David (or should I say Creg) going up on stage and rapping with AMERICAN ACCENTS?!! How are we supposed to take that seriously?! Craig David needs to just stop already and hang up the mic, LORD how I was cringing when that happened...

Furthermore, why doesn't anybody ever speak up about that? Why doesn't anyone call them out on their fake accents?! WOULD IT HAVE KILLED THEM TO SAY ALL THAT CRAP WITH A BRITISH TONE?! For FUCK'S sake!

Oh and then you've got some tit comparing Noel Clarke to Spike Lee LOL wtf?! Hey, I like Noel Clarke and everything, but come off it!

God, what a joke. They seriously need to step up their game next year. They need to sort out the nomination categories properly and stop licking American bum bum, then they might start to get some credibility. But I really don't see that happening...

We have so much unrecognised talent in the UK, I don't understand why we are still struggling like this.

Anyways, I'm gone.

Not a good start for the X Factor Finals '08

Afternoon peeps.

God, there is so many things I wanna comment on right now!

For now, let's start with last night's X Factor shows.

Bad Lashes were the dreaded first act to be voted off, with the least amount of votes from the public. I personally feel that they were the wrong act to go and that they had the edge over Girlband. I didn't understand why Simon thought they were both "shocking"... and I really liked the version of 'Wonderwall' that Bad Lashes sang to survive! What was so horrible about it??? I really don't understand X Factor sometimes, I really don't...

Mmmm what else...

Cheryl Cole looked stunning as always. Glad to see that Dannii wasn't overshadowed by Cheryl for the first time since this series started -that's because the shows are live now, so no biased editing. Rachel's song choice probably looked good on paper, but it didn't work on the night and the tune didn't do her strong voice any favours. Scott probably did have the worst song choice ever on X Factor, poor lad. Alexandra was good but not amazing. Laura was by far the best on the night (I can definitely see now why she made the top three, despite the Bo Selecta-esque face), and I enjoyed Diana's performance.

Really surprisingly, I don't think the Boyz II Men tracked worked that well for JLS, but they did alright overall. Ruth's performance was worth it for Simon's reaction at the end. Sorry, but I ain't feeling that lil' Irish boy, I can't even spell his name. He is totally forgettable and his voice is average. We'll see what happens when he has to sing something upbeat and actually move around on the stage - trust me, he'll be toast. Austin was good, but not as great as I thought he'd be.

Oh yeah, and then there was by FAR the worst performance of the night - Daniel Evans.

I really, REALLY like this guy as a person, but c'mon... that was one obvious pub performance. It was quite embarrassing. Why was this guy put through to the live shows? Why was he put through to the final 6 even? He is simply not good enough, and no one will buy his records. Dannii should have just admitted to being wrong yesterday, she didn't even comment on his performance! Just faffed on about how much of a sweet guy he is. Yes we know that Dannii, but this ain't the 'Sweetest guy in the world' competition, let's be real now! It's not fair that decent performers like Bad Lashes and Girlband are left in the bottom two while this guy could potentially make it to the final week (he won't though). I feel proper bad though saying all this because he killed me when he said how much he was enjoying himself on stage last night, bless him man.

Who do you think should have gone yesterday? Who do you see winning the competition?

Roll on with the Wacko Jacko theme next week! That's gonna be very interesting methinks...

Scotland vs Norway WC 2008 qualifier

So the Scottish national side failed to shine yet again under the very questionable reign of George Burley. We really needed a home win earlier today after losing to Macedonia in our opening WC 2010 qualifier (WTF?! I'm still reeling over that). I feel like this time last year, a team like Norway wouldn't have been so much of a challenge for us while Walter Smith and Ally McCoist were still around (I miss you guys).

When I first found out Burley was going to be our new manager, I felt relatively happy with his selection and quite confident that we would be able to keep up the good work and consistency that we managed during the Euro '08 qualifiers. I guess I was wrong...

I mean I'm no expert on football, but it's clear there's something this guy ain't doing right. For starters, his tactics are wack. Why oh why do we always have to go with the 4-5-1 formation?! It's so bloody defensive, it's like we are asking to drop points! We do not have a team with enough quality, and more particularly a strong and reliable striker to be constantly enforcing that formation so often. It proper gripes me man!

Secondly, he has no previous international coaching experience, which is also concerning. Perhaps he does not have enough respect yet to take on such an important and demanding role in football? Well anyway, whatever it is, it ain't fucking working and we ain't got time for this shit and missing out on yet another major competition.

Anyways, the biggest talk of the game was without doubt the unbelievable goal opportunity that new boy Chris Iwelumo cocked up! I feel for the him, I really do... international debut and all, and being the new token black guy!

C'mon now, let's not pretend like this ain't an issue people! When I saw that peeps were getting subbed (why the hell did McFadden get taken off?! Burley, you're an absolute tit for that one), I was like, hold the bus! Who's the black geezer?! HAHAHA! Ain't seen this guy around before, this is gonna be interesting!

Interesting isn't a strong enough word. The dude managed to temporarily silence the whole of Hampden with that miss, poor fella. Thankfully (and rightfully), the home support didn't turn against him, and overall he made significant contributions to the match despite not completely making up for his terrible mistake.

As much as it pains me to even think about it, here's a clip of the missed opportunity he will never be able to live down!



Not long after Iwelumo came on, me and my dad were both discussing and laughing at the idea of the token black guy making his debut and actually scoring. I screamed at the top of my voice and jumped up and down like a mad woman with me mum when we thought the ball had went in - piiissed when we clocked that it didn't. What's worse is that at that point, I still couldn't remember or pronounce his name properly - when I realised who was responsible for the miss, all I could shout was "it's the black guy, it's the black guy!!!"

LOL

Anyways, I'm actually looking forward to seeing him playing again, if he gets the chance. Hopefully he does, I mean he did show potential. But Burley needs to decide on two main strikers to play in every game rather than experimenting with about six different dudes. We haven't got time for that right now when we are trying to qualify for our first major competition in over a decade (yes, it has actually been that long people).

Our next qualifier is all the way in March, and it's against the big boys - Holland. Oh how I am looking forward to that and dropping more points!

I don't wanna be negative like that wanker Charlie Nicholas, but it's not looking too good for the Scots, people...

Now I know my ABC's...

Watch this:




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Never gets old.

Gayness

Hey peeps,

It seems like I ain't written a blog in time - I'm slackin'.

The reason why though is that I keep having problems with my bludclart keyboard(s). One minute it's working properly, the next I have to push each key like, 5 times before anything comes up. I'm sick of this shit! It is bloody hindering my creativity, I tell you!

Just got back from uni - gaaaay. Have to start figuring out what the hell I'm gonna do for my dissertation - gaaaay. Uni is gonna be so damn long this year, it makes me sick thinking about it. My time management sucks as it is, but that's gonna be the most important thing this year. Can't afford to be Little Miss Last Minute anymore!

What else... oh yeah, I've nearly finished the genius that is Catcher In The Rye. Why didn't I read this book sooner? I'm blaming Jonesy (inside joke). This book has provided many 'lol's' and I demand everyone in the world read it otherwise you are seriously missing out. I've even started to talk like Holden now - goddamn this, and goddamn that. I'm gonna start describing things as 'crumby', say "for chrissake" a lot, and think of everyone I meet as a 'phoney'.


Anyways, I gotta do some domestic cleaning, then see my Cut peeps, then hit Hardknock Wife later on. You should pass tru if you're reading this.

BLESS

P.S. Boys confuse me.

Kano = certified badman

Wassup people,

Me and a bunch of other Cut peeps were in Greenwich the other night for the free Kano concert for the launch of his new album 140 Grime Street. The show was BIG, and we got treated to performances by not only the man himself but the likes of Wiley, Skepta and Tinchy Stryder.

Highlight of the night was seeing Skepta come bursting onto the stage in nothing but a white dressing down and some colourful socks, HAHA! That guy's a nutter... I was loving the old skool Kano tuneage as well, especially when he dropped Nobody Don't Dance No More, jheez!

I can't believe that we got to enjoy all of that for FREE. Kano deserves all the success in the world after pulling that off, I got too much respect for him now. Kano is a certified badman.

We had to wait around a lot in between, which was kinda gay but understandable. I mean you can't complain much at a free concert. I'm glad as well because there could have easily been some trouble in the crowd but I didn't have no dickheads around me and everyone was just looking to have a good time, no beef tingz.

Anyways, I wrote a lil' review on the website so go and check that shit and tell me what you think.

http://www.thecutnewspaper.com/

Catch you later

I heart Rachel Hylton

Who's been watching The X Factor?

I have. And I'm really liking Rachel at the mo'. You know the one with like, 5 kids. I think she's bloody great!

I haven't been able to get her bootcamp performance from Saturday night's show out of my head. 99.9% of the time I agree with Simon, but I didn't get why he told Rachel she had nearly "ruined" her version of 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. He clearly wasn't hearing what everyone else was. She's like a black Amy Winehouse!

Her arrangement just blew me away, I loved it! I know she's a bit nuts, but I reckon if she doesn't make it to the live shows, it will be a complete travesty! She is the one to watch this year...

Check it out:



P.S. Happy Birthday pappa!

Jodie Marsh has lost her marbles

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

Jodie Marsh is actually demented.

No, really. I'm not mincing my words here. The woman's an absolute lunatic. She needs help!

What the FUCK has she done to herself with those hideous, bizarre tattoos?! She got one of Michael friggin' Jackson's HEAD for crying out loud, on her bloody arm! One wants to know exactly what she was thinking when she decided that would be a 'cool' tattoo to add to her already vomit-inducing collection.

Why, Jodie, why?! Why would you do such a thing?!!

I can't believe once upon a time I actually used to have some sort of respect for this moron. I guess I kinda liked the fact that when she first propped up in the (Z-list) celebrity world, she thrived on taking the piss out of Jordan in public, claiming to be 'keeping it real' with her, err, real tits. Although, that claim is now irrelevant seeing as she went and had plastic surgery anyway, with truly disastrous results might I add. Of course, she was going around looking like a complete slapper, belts covering her bits and all that, but there was something about her I quite liked!

Then I watched her on one of those loser reality TV shows (and yes, I know I'm even more of a loser for actually contributing to the viewer ratings), one that was about being a holiday rep or something. She entertained me somewhat, and she came across as quite down-to-earth and you know, up for a laugh and all that kinda crap.

Then she just became even more desperate, and her infamous Celebrity Big Brother appearance came next, and well, that didn't do her any favours. Fair enough, when you're living with an alleged murderer and all-round tosser Michael Barrymore, and someone with a tongue as vicious as Pete Burns, it ain't gonna be easy! But the girl doesn't do herself any favours... it's like she wants to be a undignified whore! And then there was that cringe-worthy pathetic MTV show she did, where she faked a romance with some dickhead guy and had the audacity to try and get a free wedding out it, costing other people thousands of pounds in the process. And when she got caught out, red-handed with evidence that was a big slap to her orange face, she lied through her teeth and denied it all.

I can't even pin point the moment where I began to actively dislike her, she's been involved with that much annoying nonsense in the press it's hard for me to remember. I've actually read her 'autobiography' - as much as I hate to admit that - and she went on about being such a smart girl and getting all these A's in her GCSE's and A-levels. How she comes from such a great family background, and how she resides in a lovely little Essex mansion with her mum, dad, brother and a bunch of marvellous wee doggies.

So if that's the case, then why did she feel the need to create a career out of getting her baps out for the lads every fucking five minutes?! You've got all these impressive qualifications on your CV, Jodie, and yet your claim to fame is when you wore nothing but a tiny belt around your saggy boobs to get shameless attention from the paps.

Now that's intelligence!

Jordan chats shit - what's new?

Jordan aka Katie Price, weighs 8.2 stone.

Well, according to a clip I just watched of her weighing herself on some scales live on GMTV yesterday morning.

She was moaning that everyone accuses her of being scarily underweight, and that she could prove there and then that she weighs just over 8 stone and not 7 stone like she had been previously accused.

So she did weigh herself there and then, and she was indeed 8.2 stone. However, she conveniently didn't take her shoes off before she stepped on to the scales, and was claiming to have just eaten a bacon sandwich. Jordan, you're kinda not supposed to mention the bacon sandwich if you're trying to prove you're heavier than what people may think. Of course if you've just had something to eat - particularly something fatty and stodgy - you can't weigh yourself and expect an accurate result. The best time to weigh yourself is when you wake up in the morning with an empty stomach and with no clothes on. So really, it was bullshit; she's probably just under 8 stone, and was therefore misleading viewers and all her adoring fans.

There's nothing of the woman. Her legs look like toothpicks, and her tits - and newly inflated lips - are way out of proportion with the rest of her body.

Who the hell would wanna look like her anyway? All tacky clothes and hair extensions, transvestite make-up, and a figure that looks like it's about to break and shatter into pieces in any minute. Why oh why are there young girls and women in this world that aspire to be anything like her? Her whole existence has consisted of her making cheap money out of selling stories about her family to the press.

How can you respect someone who does that? How many men are there in this world who would want to 'wifey' that? Not a lot, I'm telling you now! I mean, Peter Andre's like, insane, so he doesn't actually count.

Top 50 'OMGWTF' Lost moments... ?

Hey dudeys,

One thing you should know about me is that I'm a HUGE fan of the TV show Lost. And well, if you don't like Lost - fuck off.

Only joking. But yeah, my good chum Liam kindly linked to me a site claiming to list the top 50 'OMGWTF' Lost moments. Click on the link below to see what I'm on about:

http://www.theackattack.com/?p=200

I agree that all of the moments listed were indeed 'OMGWTF', with the exception of number 32 aka 'Charlie’s trippy visions'... erm these so-called 'visions' were so 'OMGWTF' that I can't even bloody remember them happening! C'mon on now, let's not pretend that we actually gave that much of a damn about Charlie when he was still alive (RIP x), he didn't exactly get the most interesting flashbacks, being the 'baby brother' of that dude Liam with the dodgy English accent.

I particularly lol'd at the Brangelina and McLovin jokes. Good stuff. Oh, and as someone pointed out in the comments underneath the list, you gotta give props to the moment when high school science teacher Artz exploded in front of the other Losties. I remember literally gasping and (slightly) jumping off my arse when that happened! Oh and how can I forget, quite possibly the greatest Lost moment of all the time, ol' Bluebeard's/Mr Friendly's infamous line, "Only the thing is... we're gonna have to take the boy."

WHAT.THE.FUCK!!! That shit sent shivers down my spine! That's when I realised Lost was like, the greatest show on television.

But really, I think all the Lost fans will agree that the moment we realised we were watching a 'flashforward' Jack rather than a 'flashback' Jack, was most definately the biggest shocker the show has ever delivered. I think it might actually be the biggest cliffhanger in the HISTORY of TV shows, that's how on edge I felt right after it happened. The writers fooled us all - absolute genius twist!

Farewell for now.

I flopped again

Man, this challenge just ain't working out for me, is it?

I can't do this whole 'write a blog every day for a week' thing, it's too much. Write a blog every other day... now that sounds more appealing! So even though I'm officially giving up on this little challenge, I'm gonna keep up the blog nonetheless for all my 'fans' out there (HAHA, who am I kidding?!).

I don't even have anything to write about today. Friday I met up with a couple of old skool friends for a 21st birthday party at a pub near me, which was fun. I don't even wanna talk about what I did yesterday... and today I've just been a lazy bitch.

I also watched the Chelsea vs. Man United game. I'm seriously beginning to think Andy Gray might be a secret battyman. His bizarre comments on Cristiano Ronaldo's supposed "love handles" and some other Chelsea player's thighs left me feeling a bit suspicious to be honest... not to mention his obvious infatuation with John Terry.

Been trying to organise stuff for my 21st birthday celebrations in November. I'm def having a big party up in the land of Scots, but I cannae be going there looking all out of shape and shit. I need to get my act together, boi!

Note to self: must.look.slim.for.big.party.

To quote Homer J Simpson, "From now on, exercise every day!"

Look at that, I've managed to blog something after all, haha!

Anyways, I'm gone.

1

Sweet Peaches

There's nothing worse than seeing someone getting opportunities all over the media just because they have famous parents.

And they don't get more annoying than the likes of Peaches Geldof. Even her name is shit.

I'm at home like a sucker, doing 3,000 word essays for uni, while my girl's on the tele in front of me, presenting exclusive programmes when she's like, 17. So for all those peeps who's dream it is to be a top TV presenter - just don't bother, because precious Peaches will probably get your jobs anyway.

What has that idiot done apart from get caught buying drugs and marrying some random fool in Vegas? Oh yeah, your own mum dies from an overdose, and then you go out and buy that shit for your skag 'ed self. That makes sense! People like that make me sick, man...

She ain't exactly what you'd call an oil painting either. She looks like her dad, and well, he's no Brad Pitt. So in other words: she's butterz. But it's OK, because daddy's money will let her do whatever the fuck she wants in life, whether she's bugly or not! She can still walk down a catwalk and 'model' with her 5 foot nothing frame!

And what's going on with that barnet of hers? Bloody rats tails, looking like she cut her own hair and shit. If you're gonna be rich and famous right, at least make sure you get a decent hair cut!

Jheez!

I hate New York

So I was watching MTV earlier, looking for something to amuse myself with. In other words, trashy reality TV shows.

And I stumbled across one called 'I Love New York 2', which for those who aren't in the know already is some form of a dating show where that annoying ghetto moron 'New York' from across the pond has to pick off one-by-one a bunch of desperate, fame-hungry loser guys in order to find a new man - or should that be 'bitch' as New York would like to say?

I seriously can't believe shows like this actually exist. This is the same idiot who previously had been fighting (literally) over the most handsome, most desirable man in show business... yes that's right, Mr Flavor Flav himself!

Give me a fucking break!!! Anyone remotely attracted to that man is either blind or a money-grabbing bastard. Let's be real now.

This is exactly why the world is so fucked up, especially the younger generation. The message being sent out here is basically, if you make a twat out of yourself on worldwide television by being a desperate, egotistical, narcissistic, obnoxious, undignified and dirty whore, you''ll get rewarded with your very own TV show!

I wanna know why this downright fool has more money than me, and why she was given the opportunity to reside in a massive luxury mansion that I wouldn't even be able to dream about! Why are we giving these talentless wannabes so much air time and recognition?! Why?!

And yes, I realise the joke is actually on her and all the other losers on the show, but the fact is, she ain't realising that herself because she's so friggin' deluded and up her own arse! I would love to give her one slap to the head piece. I would actually pay good money in order to be able to do just that!

I mean, I sat there completely bemused with what I was seeing. The woman organised 'couple counselling' with the remaining contestants, and they were getting asked whether they would have 'penis implants' if it meant staying in a relationship with her. Yes, penis implants!!! And then she was literally sitting there telling them all individually "I need to be the man in this relationship, I need you to be my bitch!"

Oh. dear. GOD! The woman is a complete control freak! She needs psychological help, not a fucking TV show.

The mum actually looked a bit sane in the episode I watched, as shocking as that was for me to take in, but I thought too soon because the preview for the next show made it clear where Ms New York gets her 'classy' nature from.

You know what, I can't actually take someone seriously who feels that 'awesome' can sometimes be spelt with an 'o' (if you saw the episode I did, you'd get the joke). And to top it all off... she ain't even good looking! She's fucking BUTTERZ! Oh my lord, I have to stop now.

I'm out.

RIP old Facebook

Well guys, the inevitable has finally happened...

Old Facebook has gone - for good (RIP).

All the anti-new Facebookers thought they had scored a victory when some unknown genius figured out how to get the old version up and running once again. And it worked for a good 2 days, until the big meanies in charge came along and made the link void forever.

Booo!

It was nice to see our old friend once again, even if it was just for a mere 48 hours. But what did we expect when all you could see was bare new groups containing the contents of the mystery web link in question, and when everyone decided to wisely change their status to "I've got the old Facebook back!!! Clink this link guys, you'll thank me later!" - this guaranteed our great love affair with the old FB was not to last.

So now we have to put up with our wall posts and news feed being jumbled up together, personalised and quirky applications ostracised on a separate page (like anyone's gonna give a damn about them now), and the same for our personal info, AND no wall posts count!

Fucking POO. New Facebook is retarded!

*goes to log in to new Facebook*

Bollocks.

Corks Wine Bar

Wagwarn peeps,

I didn't have time to write a blog yesterday - my bad, my bad...

So yesterday evening, I went to a comedy night at Corks Wine Bar, just off Oxford Street. My friend had told me that 'Russell Simmons' was going to be there doing some sort of Q&A, which kinda baffled me because I thought the concept of the night was for people to be laughing, not to have some serious discussion. Anyways, I couldn't get my head around the Russell Simmons turning up to this comedy place, and for a long time I managed to convince myself that it was Russell Peters who would be turning up instead. So it was extra disappointing when neither Russell turned up on the night.

The night was still jokes for the most part, but when I thought I was gonna be paying a fiver to get in and then discovered I would be paying £10 to NOT see the supposed big name in question, that really pissed me off.

The place was jam packed - according to my friend, it's never usually that busy so early. For once, BPT (Black People Time) was being encouraged! We had to queue for like 30 minutes at least before we got in. Baaaare black people up in the place - once again, I was acting as the token white chick. There was probably around 5 white people in total, but meh. We got a chance to big ourselves up when Kojo asked for "any white people up in the house?!". Needless to say, I didn't put my hand up, haha!

Oh yeah, can you believe I couldn't even get a glass of tap water?! Fucking made me sick... how can I ask one woman and she tells me it costs 50 friggin' pence, then when I come back with the 50p in hand, some next guy tells me they don't sell tap water. Errr... so why did your co-worker just tell me it cost 50p? Did she just make that up for fun? When he asked her in front of me, she could only reply with "I dunno". Rah, I'm dying of thirst, broke as a joke, and you can't even provide me with TAP WATER?! I've never been so offended in my life!

And omg omg omg, to top it all off - Darnell was in the building (!!!) and I DIDN'T get to meet him (arrgggghhhhh!) - it was all BULLSHIT! The closest I got to him was seeing his hairline on one of the screens. I left heartbroken.

Overall, there was a lot of negatives to the night unfortunately, including one embarrassing, obnoxious dude who wouldn't stop screaming things at the top of his lungs and generally making a tit of himself in front of hundreds of people. I had a bit of used chewing gum in between my fingers ready to pop in his champagne glass if he came anywhere near me, but luckily for him he stayed away.

Anyways, don't know if I'll be going back to this place because I felt ripped off after I thought I was gonna be paying £5 to get in. And not all of the comedians were as funny as they should have been - shout out to Eddie though!

Bless

Keyboards really don't like rosé wine...

Hi guys,

Well the whole 'write a blog every day for a week' hasn't really gone to plan, due to the fact that mumsie managed to spill some of her fave rosé wine over my keyboard the other day, and it ain't been the same ever since. When all you can see is non-stop, uncontrollable r's popping up on the screen, and the page scrolls up every time you try to scroll down, that's how you know things are fucked. Wish me luck with (hopefully) getting a brand new laptop through the ol' insurance.

So anyways, I dunno about you but I'm currently obsessing over the extremely hilarious and suicide-encouraging 'HSA' group on Facebook. If you're not already in the know, HSA stands for 'Has Sex Appeal', whilst 'HNSA' means 'Has No Sex Appeal'. The concept of the group is for random Facebookers to bravely upload pics of themselves in the hope of achieving official HSA status. There are also strict rules, which include allowing only one pic per person every 48 hours, and not deleting any pics or comments unless you're willing to leave the group for good. Additionally, you've gotta be prepared for a severe tongue-lashing if you wanna dish it out to others.

Of course, not everyone in this world is blessed with true beauty, or err, sex appeal. Hence plenty of cuss-laden images propping up throughout the group for downright mass ridicule and nastiness that even Satan himself would shocked at. It's hard not to feel sorry for the deluded folk who clearly have no self-awareness and modesty, but at the same time it's also hard not to be holding your belly from creasing up at all the sharp, bitchy insults from the 'haters'.

Ever since I discovered the group a couple of days ago, I haven't been able to stop myself from going back for more. It's fast turning into some sort of social phenomena, with the members count currently being well over 7,000, and over 2,000 pics having been uploaded! My addiction isn't being helped by seeing people I know and actively dislike being subject to a good slating on there, haha! I really can't get enough, I tell you...

Anyways, I've got a portable keyboard plugged into my laptop now, so I'll be able to start my challenge once again.

Peace for now.

Thanks for nothing guys!

Hello all,

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the great British public for kindly PISSING ALL OVER my opinion yesterday night!

What the hell is wrong with you people?! Rachel as the BB9 winner? Rachel?! RACHEL?!! Give me a fucking break! Added to that, the person I admired the most throughout the entire series finished FIFTH! Yes, that means first out of the bloody house. And then the person who I also admired in almost equal measure, and who I expected to take the crown if Darnell didn't, finished second BEHIND Rachel! My god, she is by FAR the worst Big Brother winner EVER! Shame on you all, shame on you!

The only positive I can take from yesterday night is that the voting was indeed extremely close - my boy Darneezy left with 15% of the initial vote, almost a fifth of all the votes together, which was an amazing percentage for someone who was first out of the house. Miss Rice got very lucky. Must have been the Welsh vote. No actually, I blame Rex. If it wasn't for that arrogant schmuck constantly having digs at her on a daily basis about how boring and dull she was, then she would have been gone weeks ago with all the other... well boring and dull housemates in BB history! Un-bloody-believable! When Davina asked all the ex housemates on BBBM if Rachel deserved to be the winner, one person put their hand up.... Kat. Seriously!

And I wasn't happy with the length and depth of Darnell's interview either - the most complex character of the house deserved more time than that surely! Is it just me though who reeeaally wants to see him and Sara get it on? Slightly perverted, I know... but c'mon, surely they have given in now there are no cameras following their every movement?! I'm glad my suspicions were confirmed though; I knew Sara was holding back! Oh and didn't you just love Darnell's grand eviction outfit?! LOL he was totally rocking his famous blue 'respect me' hoodie with Rachel's long white flowing skirt and a pair of white stunners. What a legend!

As always, it was interesting to see the old housemates returning to the main stage. Steph looked a million dollars and like a proper celebrity! So did Maysoon actually, Jen looked like she'd been badly tangoed (Cheryl Cole look-a-like my arse), Luke was dressed like a junior snooker player, and Lisa looked like she'd just arrived fresh from another botox appointment. Dale, quite suspiciously, appeared to have just made a new friend called 'Charlie'... oh and didn't you just love the tension between him and ex-lover Jen?! Magazine deals dried up quick, eh?

But yeah seriously guys, I can't believe you did that to me... Rachel Rice, winner of BB9, over Darnell Swallow and Mikey Hughes. When asked what she had learnt about from her time in the house, she replied with 'chickpeas'.

And people wonder why the show has lower ratings these days! Pah.

Big Brother 9 - the finale

So the grand Big Brother 9 finale is here. Britain’s biggest and most talked-about reality television show ever will come to a conclusion tonight; the final five housemates will step back into the outside world once again, after a very long yet thoroughly entertaining 93 days in the famous (or should that be infamous?) Big Brother house.

It’s the first time in the show’s history that I haven’t been able to accurately predict the leaving order of the remaining housemates and the outright winner. According to insiders, the voting is very close, yet this could just be clever manipulation by the programme’s producers to get more pennies out of the viewers. Bizarrely, the bookie’s odds and predictions couldn't be any more different to the online polls and the various Big Brother-watching Internet forums.

Blind Scotsman Mikey is currently favourite to win with many of the bookmakers, yet he is bottom of the pecking order in the online polls. Sweet-natured Rachel is hugely popular with forum users, particularly with the Digital Spy crew, despite being continuously labelled as a ‘fence-sitter’ and a dullard. Meanwhile, self-confessed party animal and executive chef Rex is also generating a very mixed and confusing response from fans of the show; one online poll suggests he is the second most favourite housemate left whilst simultaneously he has the most votes for being the least liked housemate. And American songwriter Darnell Swallow – a complex character by his own admission – has ‘fallen from grace’ in the last few weeks due to his mystifying relationship with Aussie girl Sara, and his generally erratic behaviour, leaving him with hopeless odds to win. However, he still appears to have loyal supporters and in the final week of the show, has patched up his differences with his flirting partner, and has provided entertainment aplenty throughout the thirteen weeks of the show.

Anyways, screw all of that! Here is my personal take on the last five housemates of Big Brother 9:

Sara – First of all, I like her. And it seems strange that I like her, because on paper I don’t think I would like her! She’s everything that I’m not – loud, extremely flirtatious, wild, and a bit of a man-eater. She also had a lot to do with Darnell’s ‘fall from grace’. But shameless flirting aside, I think that she is a genuinely nice girl who has had a bit of a rough ride in life. It’s weird but refreshing to see that while she appears to be incapable of NOT flirting with members of the opposite sex, and strongly resembles someone as stunning as Angelina Jolie, she has a down-to-earth nature about her, and hasn’t been bitchy at all whilst still having provided entertainment in the house. The only thing that peed me off about her is that she gave a lot of attention to Darnell only to confess she actually fancied boring Stuart, who had zero interest in pursuing her anyway. If she really believes that the way she has behaved with Darnell is purely platonic, then I think she needs to change her ways and re-asses how she acts with the men in her life! However, I’m still not giving up on the idea of a genuine romance between her and Darnell – did anyone see them having ‘fun’ in the pool last week? C’mon, if there is no real spark or chemistry between them, then I’m the Queen of England!

Rex – Oh dear, where to start with a character like Rex? Arrogant, jealous, controlling, rude, obnoxious, self-obsessed and unashamedly boastful! Yet at the same time, I can’t help but bloody like the guy. What is it about him, people?! He’s dished out insults and been downright horrible and nasty to the likes of Rachel, Mikey and Sara at times. But back at the beginning, he also refused to accept defeat to the deluded, vile psychopath that was Alex when she was doing her best to bully the entire household. He has constantly informed Rachel that she is boring, dull and a person with no opinions or backbone (although he does have a point), but after the heartbreak of Kat and Mo Mo’s shock evictions, he was there to provide a shoulder for her to cry on. A complicated persona to say the least, he has undeniably provided entertainment and classic BB quotes throughout his time in the house, and put great effort into all of the tasks. Watching his relationship with his ‘beautiful princess’ Nicole was utterly excruciating, but his playful friendship with Mo was heart-warming at times, and he remained a loyal friend to the bitter end. I don’t want the guy to win because we really don’t need to be giving someone with as much cash in the bank as him any more money! I also don’t want to witness his ego grow any bigger than what it is now. However, I do think he should at least finish in the top three just for all the entertainment he has delivered to the viewers and for arguably being one of the greatest BB housemates of all time.

Rachel – OK, lemme just get one thing straight. I like Rachel. She is clearly a genuinely nice person, although perhaps TOO nice for some. She has been consistent throughout BB9, loyal to people that didn’t even deserve her loyalty (ahem, Rex), and has a heart of gold. But let’s be real now – Big Brother isn’t about who’s the nicest person in the world. It is about being entertained! We want a winner who is a decent human being, who has made mistakes and had up’s and down’s, and who at the same time, has satisfied viewers by providing stories of mixed HUMAN emotions, e.g. anger, frustration, happiness, sadness, shock etc. Rachel has just been nice. That’s it. Just nice. The most personality we seen from her was when she got a basket of grapes from Big Brother – and that’s extremely worrying in itself. What’s also worrying is the fact that she didn’t know what an aubergine was, how many days there are in a year, and that Darnell is actually a black man, when she is training to become a teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I do admire her for her lasting relationships with the likes of Kat and Mikey, with the latter being a tad patronising at times due to Rachel’s tendency to treat ‘Mikey Wikey’ like one of her future primary school pupils. But she hasn’t been very entertaining, or a memorable housemate. I’m sure that if it hadn’t been for Rex bullying her on various occasions (especially the time when he couldn’t stop droning on and on about her VT – that really wasn’t fair on her), she probably would have been voted out a long time ago, or at least first for definite on the final night. Yet somehow, she’s more popular than Brighton beach on hot summer’s day! I don’t get it! If she finishes above someone like Darnell, never mind winning the whole show, I might actually have to end my life prematurely. I respect nice and kind people, but I also respect people who have backbones and an opinion, even if I don’t agree with their opinions or think they are just being a complete arsehole (like Rex). Sorry Rachel, but you would definitely be the worst BB winner of all the time if you manage it tonight!

Mikey – Ahhh, the chilli-eating king! In my eyes, Mikey has been a fucking fantastic housemate! He has provided many hilarious moments for me, when my stomach has been literally aching from laughing so hard. The thing is, he’s so funny but he doesn’t even have to try! There’s so many positive things I can say about this guy. At the beginning, I had quite a different opinion on him. He came across as slightly perverted, and his instant friendship with the class-A loser that is Mario did not do him any favours either. But once the baddies left the house, Mikey really started to shine. It is not about being the poor blind guy. I really don’t think people are gonna be voting for Mikey to win just because he can’t see. Despite the obvious obstacles, he’s never used his blindness as a pity tool, he’s given absolutely everything in all the crazy tasks (the puppet one, the ‘Thriller’ one, the chilli one…), he’s stuck up to Rex and Alex while still keeping his cool, and he’s told it how it is consistently throughout the entire show, having almost always been spot on with his opinions and observations. Even if you don’t agree with everything that Mikey has done or said, you still can’t deny that the guy deserves massive respect for what he has achieved for being the first blind person ever in Big Brother history. When I first found out the producers were putting a blind man in the house, I really thought that it would probably be the end of Big Brother. But it has turned out to be one of the best ideas ever and a complete success! I really hope that the online polls are wrong and the bookmakers are right, because Mikey truly deserves to get second place at least on the final night.

Darnell – Saved the best ‘til last. *Adopts Darnell’s American tone* DAMMIT! If Darnell doesn’t win Big Brother 9, it will just SUCK DUDE! Seriously though, I will actually be heartbroken if he doesn’t pull it off, and I’ve got a really bad feeling that he won’t make it to the end. Ever since ‘Sara-is-an-ugly-bitch-and-slut-gate’, Darnell’s popularity has plummeted HUGELY. I can’t believe that just a few weeks ago he was the outright favourite to win, and now I’m reading/hearing that it is likely he will be the first out tonight! Don’t get me wrong, I for one can admit straight away that Darnell is not perfect. He is a deeply-flawed human being, with many issues that I now think he is aware of and needs to address when he gets out of the house. He is extremely paranoid, insecure, self-obsessed, aggressive and overly-analytical. But he is also intelligent, witty, talented, painfully honest and a decent guy when you look past all the negatives. He is by far the most complex character from this series, and probably from all of the nine series put together! This is what makes him so fascinating to watch, and why he has been such an entertaining housemate, and easily one of the greatest ever in my eyes. Out of all the other housemates, I really believe that Darnell NEEDS to win the most. He needs to finally accept that HE has been accepted by the public for who he is, and get rid of all the self-pitying insecurities that he has held a tight grip on for the whole of his life. I know that he acted like a complete jerk with Sara, but what with her naturally flirtatious behaviour combined with his bad luck with women in the past and constant insecurities stemmed from his albinism, can you blame the guy for being a bit bitter? Let’s not just concentrate on his bad week with Sara; instead, let’s remember how he stuck up for Mo so passionately during ‘Spit-gate’, how he put all of the ‘Whisper Club’ in their places the very next day, how he put Bex in her place in defence of his friend Kat, how he refused to back down to Mario during the big band task, how he sussed bitchy Luke in the early days for his sly and 2-faced nature and how he exposed him in front of everyone in the kitchen out of nowhere… and let’s not forget his loyal and lasting friendships with the likes of Kat, Mo, Rex and Rachel aka his fellow B-Blockers. The man is responsible for ‘B-Block’ even existing! Like I already said, Darnell NEEDS to be the last man standing and the winner of BB9. If he isn’t, then it will be a complete travesty, and the series will be void to me.

Do the right thing – vote Darnell to win!